The Sun Also Sets

Experiments With Honesty # 2 (Art Imitates Life)

2011-10-25T02:35:00.003+01:00

I just finished watching the BBC film 'Lennon Naked'.

Being quite a Beatles/John Lennon fan I felt it was something I should watch rather than something I thought would be great.

How wrong I was.

It was wonderful.

The premise of the piece was how John Lennon was abandoned by his parents and how he dealt, or didn't deal, with that reality. Probably the saddest part was how (because of his unresolved parental issues) he abandoned his own son Julian.

I'm not yet a Father although I hope one day I may be. Am I destined to pass on the things I didn't learn in my childhood? I hope not.

How does one respect the boundaries of another human being yet remain true to himself?

That's a question that I will ponder as I head to bed. Apart from the obvious lines about John & Yoko below the thrust of the song is also about me. Thanks John.

Isolation (John Lennon)

People say we got it made
Don't they know we're so afraid?
Isolation
We're afraid to be alone
Everybody got to have a home
Isolation

Just a boy and a little girl
Trying to change the whole wide world
Isolation
The world is just a little town
Everybody trying to put us down
Isolation

I don't expect you to understand
After you've caused so much pain
But then again, you're not to blame
You're just a human, a victim of the insane

We're afraid of everyone
Afraid of the sun
Isolation
The sun will never disappear
But the world may not have many years
Isolation

Experiments With Honesty # 1 (How Old Is Too Old)

2011-10-21T00:36:00.004+01:00

How old is too old to change?

I'm quickly approaching my 40th birthday and over the last few months particularly I've been trying to dig down deep as it were and understand more about my motivations and core beliefs. A core belief - my CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) counsellor told me - is a truth we believe about ourself usually formed in childhood.

One of mine that I've sort of known for some time now is a lack of love for myself. More than that though it's a belief that I'm simply no good. Perceived rejection at a young age and a plethora of abusers abusing me (both sexual and physical) probably has alot to do with that but how can it be changed?

No amount of people telling you that they love you can put a hole in this thick armour of belief. That usually just makes me cry as it's what I want to be true.

What I'm starting to realise is that I've lived the majority of my life (or at least as far back as I can remember) believing that nobody really likes me and that everybody, eventually, will leave me. That's a tremendously sad statement but its true. This came to my mind recently when discussing/debating/arguing about something with a few friends on Facebook. I'm constantly afraid that if I say the wrong thing or offend somebody with my opinion that they wont want to know me anymore. For somebody that loves a good debate that's a real pisser.

At the end of Good Will Hunting the character played by Matt Damon had his "moment" when somebody told him that something that happened to him earlier in life was not his fault. Matt Damon's character broke down and I assume the story point was to leave the audience thinking...he's OK now or...things'll be fine but that's more Hollywood than reality I think.

Is it possible that we get to a certain age where change is just not possible? Where these core beliefs are so ingrained into our consciousness that to throw them out is virtually impossible? That's what I'm thinking now and that's a proper bummer.

One thing's for sure...in my experiments with honesty I'll have to become far more selfish.

I'll write some more to my imaginary audience soon.

Why Fail?

2011-10-17T03:14:00.002+01:00

Why is it that when things even remotely start to be positive that I purposely make myself fail.

I guess my opinion of myself is so low that failure feels safer than positivity and success.

If I were reading this about somebody else I'd think that was very sad.

Since it's about me I'll say...goodnight!

Tuition Fees

2010-11-26T01:58:00.006Z

Let me say right at the start here to avoid any confusion that in principle I'm against tuition fees. I was against them when the Labour party introduced them and I'm against them now.

The LibDems made a manifesto promise that if they won the election outright they would abolish them.

They then went on to come third in the general election meaning (surprise surprise) that their manifesto promises became null and void.

We now have a coalition (something that I think is good: http://bit.ly/cQp68M) and therefore it's misguided at best and stupid at worst to say the LibDems broke a promise.

They didn't break the promise because they didn't win.

What's so difficult to understand about that?

Bible Editing

2010-11-22T00:49:00.000Z

I recently saw a programme on TV called 'The Secret Family Of Jesus'. It was made by a guy called Dr Robert Beckford. There was a programme of his on around a year ago called 'Who Wrote The Bible?'. Both shows were eye opening, interesting & sort of scary in a way.

The premise in a nutshell of 'The Secret Family Of Jesus' was that Jesus' family beyond Mary & Joseph have sort of been edited out of Christianity. The premise of 'Who Wrote The Bible' is in the title. Though it should really have been called 'Who Edited The Bible?'.

There was a lot of time spent in both programmes about Mary Magdalene. Telling us how close to Jesus she was and how there's no proof whatsoever that she was a prostitute. That was the result of a slur campaign if you will because when the Bible was put together in the form we have it now and in Jesus' day i guess sexism was alot stronger than it is today. My use of the word sexism sort of shows that i'm a real novice on all this but I'm trying my best to find the right words. She also wrote a gospel that was left out of the final Bible. As did many others. What interests me is why certain gospels were left out? Could it possibly be that theologically they didn't fit with the exact dogmatic view of Christianity that the editors of The Bible wanted to share with the world?

You know how today if somebody wants to "share" something in Church they usually do it after consulting a leader or minister? If that leader or minister feels it isn't appropriate for whatever reason then it isn't shared. That's how it works and that's fair enough. What if the leader or minister is wrong? That is they felt whatever shouldn't be shared but God really had put it on the heart of the person wanting to share. What if the people that edited the Bible were wrong in what they chose to include or leave out? What if a different group of people had been chosen to do it? We may have a different Bible altogether which may just include The Gospels Of Mary Magdalene, Thomas & even Judas.

I'd love to know what anyone thinks on this. I guess the stock answer would be something like;

"God chose the people who put the Bible together & divinely inspired them to select exactly what's in there."

Except that sort of doesn't work with the apparent sexist nature of the treatment of Mary Magdalene. Anyway this post is turning much longer than I planned so I'll draw this to an end.

A question for thought would be, why do we put so much faith in the people that put the Bible together in the form we have it? Because when we refer to the Bible as the inspired word of God (the name the Bible uses for Jesus) we're putting our all in with these rather religious men we know almost nothing about.

Aren't we?

Rape Tale pt 2 (written in 2005)

2010-11-22T00:48:00.000Z

The Police Constable who's been dealing with my accusation over the past year & a bit recently left a message on my answer machine. He informed me that the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) have decided that they wont be going ahead with prosecuting the man who raped me when I was a boy. The Police contacted friends I'd told about it & two people who've counselled me over the past few years but I guess that wasn't enough. I hope that didn't sound bitter or angry by the way because I'm not & me reporting this thing was NEVER about a day in court, revenge or justice. If, by the way you don't know what I'm talking about (or would care to read more) then please see the previous post of mine here. I'm not sure how I feel about it but will write more soon. Comments on this matter would be most welcome. Thanks for reading.

Rape Tale pt 1 (written in 2005)

2010-11-22T00:45:00.001Z

Around a year ago one weird Monday morning I decided I should go round to the house where I was raped as a young boy. It was around the corner from where I grew up. I think I was maybe nine or ten when it happened. I could've been younger, I really can't remember. He was an older friend. Maybe two or three years older. It feels like a cliché as I write but we messed around with toys. Maybe I was younger. Shit I wonder if he was grooming me as they say. I've never even considered that until this moment. Is this to personal a thing to be putting on a blog? I don't know. I only set it up yesterday & I'm just doing what seems right.

I went round to the house and his Mother answered the door. I didn't recognise her. I said I used to have a friend live there when I was a kid and it turned out to be her son. He now lived separately with his family. This was 25 or 26 years ago. I passed her my phone number & said if she wanted to give him my details she could. I didn't explain why I was calling around, I described myself as an old friend. I myself wasn't quite sure why I was calling around. What if he'd answered the door?

From memory I may have been up all night. It could have even been the Oscars but my short term memory is bad. To much weed over the years. My biggest problem and vice. I'm smoking it as I write this. Anyway this isn't about that but I could have been smoking the night before I called. I was on the bus and for some strange reason it just popped into my head. I hadn't been thinking about it. I just got off and went straight to the house.

I was on my way to the Job Centre but after saying goodbye to his Mother after the briefest of chats I went to the police station to report it. Again I can't really say why. It seemed like the right thing to do. I was having counselling at the time and it had just started (I've recently come to the end of it) so maybe things from my childhood were fresh in my mind. I just remember it wasn't planned. There was nobody to talk to me so I left my details.

Later that day he called me. He left an answer phone message calling me Mr Tetley. Sounded strange. uneasy but I recognised his voice. He must have got it a few times because he said he didn't want to get the answer phone again. Sounded a tad controlling. Or maybe just pissed off. I don't know why he didn't leave the message the first time he got the machine. Why did he repeatedly call?

I called him back and said we were childhood friends. No mention of the rape. He said he had no memory before he was sixteen because of an accident or a breakdown. He was obviously suggesting he had no memory of me and asked if I'd mind if we didn't keep in touch. It was all very weird. I of course said yes and we ended the call.

I spoke to a PC who said it would probably come to nothing. I explained I wasn't doing it for revenge. I really have no bad feeling towards him whatsoever. While there may be parts of my personality that were forever changed that day I'd forgiven him along time ago. Later still someone from the sex offenders unit took my statement and then almost a year after the original visit to the police station, the PC visited me again.

The first time he'd visited me I'd been in bed around two hours & the place stank of weed. The second time he visited I was involved in a very similar practice. What must he think of me eh? Ironic that was. Anyway he asked if I'd get in touch with my counsellors & friends I told about the rape years before. I did and recently left this information at the station. Apparently the CPS want to check out the story a little deeper. He'd been interviewed and just said nothing. Took the fifth as they'd say in America.

I've always thought this sounds like an episode of 'The Bill'. Guy reports a rape 25 years after the fact. How will that unravel?

I've never wondered why I didn't just talk to him about it before going to the police. This wasn't simply about me easing my weight. Again I have no anger towards him whatever & I think if one is a paedophile then it's an illness. I don't know why all the anger & hatred towards people with this. "Kiddy fiddler" as Tommy called Martin on Corrie. Hmmm cultural.

Of course nobody wants there kiddy fiddled with. I never told anyone about it when it originally happened by the way, in case you're wondering why my parents didn't do anything about it at the time. They didn't know. And to think after this came out in my first attempt at counselling, through my local Elim church of ten or so years ago it was misunderstood to say the least. Other issues were allowed to cloud the fact that really shouldn't have. I think assumptions were assumed and when I left that church and the church I was moving to called to get the info on me (why the hell would they want to do that?) they were told I had "an abuse problem". Well done you Christ like soldiers. Maybe there's a forgiveness issue right there. It seems for some reason tougher to crack the church that made a mistake rather than the boy that made a mistake. Ongoing & exciting this fine life is. Everyday new and absolutely nothing to be unhappy about.

And now here I am. Wondering if I should even be writing about this. Not from the perspective of people knowing either. But I was lying in bed imagining if I'd actually have to face him in court one day. I think I sort of hope not. It'd be nice if he could admit it but I guess if he did that he'd be in trouble. That was never the intention. But it's a pretty scary thought. Though I know if it does come to that it'll be ok.

At least I'll be able to tell him face to face that I forgive him.

07.07.05 - The London Attacks

2010-11-22T00:43:00.000Z

When writing about the recent London attacks I find it extremely difficult to find the right words to convey how I feel. Firstly I must say the fault lies with the individuals that planted the bombs. Nobody else, Bush, Bin Laden or Blair. Nobody asked for this & nobody deserved it.

The motivation behind the people responsible may well be to do with Iraq. It also may not be, it's just the most likely. Bush & Blair are about to look good over the G8 & giving more money to Africa (even if they did squat on climate change) & all of a sudden we are reminded of Iraq & the general aggressive foreign policy since September the 11th 2001.

Nobody deserves to die over a failed cause or a lie. Bin Laden's brand of fundamentalist Islam is obviously far from the mark of the ordinary Muslim yet already hate campaigns have started with prominent Muslims in London getting death threats. To me that seems as absurd as blaming all Christians for Bush's antics. I think they're both equally mis-representing the faith they claim to stand for.

I believe both sides are wrong however good the intentions. Clearly Al Quaeda's mass killing of innocent people all over the world as well as London this week is wrong. Wrong seems to insignificant & small a word. I think what's happening at G/Bay is wrong. Again to small a word. When you look closely at the Abu Garebe "scandal" it's clear that systematic abuse was the name of the game. Orders from on high. The Geneva convention went out the window.

I remember in the run up to the war every time Hans Blix reported to the UN he usually said they're co-operating 75% but not fully. I wondered why the English & the Americans were spinning the 25% & not offering any words of comfort. So it's not going as well as it should but the inspectors are making progress. You don't invade when the UN wont agree with it (making it an illegal war as Kofi Annan has said) & it isn't the "final straw". I know we had 120,000 troops on the Iraqi border & the Summer was coming. They really didn't want the war to go into the Summer. They had an agenda, lied to us & manipulated us into going along with them. Blair was told invading Iraq would probably create more terrorism not less but was in with Bush to far had he wanted out.

The best estimates suggest 100,000 dead innocents in Iraq. Fallujah was a horrendous week long disgusting scene of violence. We warned people we were coming so all the insurgents & terrorists (not all of them of course, some stayed to fight) left & the people that had nowhere to go were killed. Many innocents.

None of this means we ask for acts of terrorism. No innocent people in Fallujah asked to be killed either. I must keep saying that about "asking for it". The Bible says you will reap what you have sown & we clearly haven't been whiter than white. I say "we" in the sense of the "special relationship" between Britain & America. Or between Bush & Bliar anyway. I don't think Blair is Bush's poodle, I think he tried his best to put the break on several times. He guided Bush to the UN even though they didn't vote the way they were told. Bullied. Aid was promised to smaller countries if they'd hop in to the "Coalition of the willing". Many commentators have referred to it as the coalition of the bribed & scared. America has done many, many great things but it is not right simply because it says so. The "it" being George Walker Bush of course & his administration.

Is trying to understand why the terrorists did it the same as condoning it? Absolutely not. Shortly after September the 11th 2001 George said people were either with him or with the terrorists. I'm definitely with neither. I don't think invading countries & forcing democracy down there throats is a good way of achieving peace. I don't think randomly planting bombs & killing innocent people who may well have been against the war also is a good way of achieving anything.

It almost seems like the terrorists are controlling the agenda & we pander to them clumsily invading countries & destroying cities & essentially doing the terrorists work for them. We create so much anger that more people want to become suicide bombers. I mean if one person did because of the actions of the US & Britain then it's a failed "war" from the start. How we can we fight a war on terror anyway? Perhaps we should start by removing the word terror from all dictionaries.

It seems Mr Bin Laden wants the west down. Mr Bush is now bringing it down for him. Never before has America been so despised around the world. Now I love America but I disagree with Bush. I don't think that makes me anti-American.

All of this aside where are we now? Winning or losing the war on terror? The politicians HAVE TO SAY that we're winning it. If you suggest we aren't you're labelled a terrorist sympathiser or you're condoning what they do. I definitely am doing neither. There actions are wrong & that's that. Nobody asks for anything let alone a terrorist attack. Still to say they are doing it "because they are jealous of our freedom" is a load of horseshit. They want to achieve something. They're trying to prove some point though whatever it is it has no credibility because of the way they kill people.

The more I think about it, Ghandi & Jesus are the only two people that come close to what we need in the world now.

02.07.05 - Live 8

2010-11-22T00:40:00.001Z

So here it is. Live 8

'Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band' seemed a little lacklustre to me but U2's set after that really set the standard. The accompanying horn section with the shows opener dressed in Sgt Pepper uniforms was a tad nauseating. Later on the BBC Macca said he'd never played that song live. Sadly dementia may have set in because I have a live album & dvd & that song is played on both. As recent as 2001.

'Vertigo' I think should have opened the whole show. It truly rocked & 'Beautiful Day' had to be played. A great uplifting God filled anthem. I thought they'd play Pride & Streets but 'One' ends the set featuring a snippet of 'Unchained Melody'. Full marks to the biggest band on the planet. We're definitely going.

People have been very cynical about this series of concerts as many were about the original Live Aid almost twenty years ago. To bring awareness & NOT to ask for money is a bold step. People have said there aren't enough African artists on the bill but this isn't an event to promote African artists. Many I'm sure will say after the fact that these events brought no real change whatever announcement comes out of the G8 later this week. I personally think we'll have to wait quite a few years to know fully it's impact.

There's something about Coldplay that I'm just not sure about. I love alot of there songs but anyone that describes Richard Ashcroft as the best singer in the world has something wrong with his ears. Ok so it's a big day boys but don't get to carried away. I think 'Clocks' would have been a much better opener than 'In My Place'. Coldplay end there three song set with 'Fix You' from the new album 'X & Y'. Quite U2-ish really & genuinely moving.

Elton John opens with 'The Bitch Is Back' & certainly proves he still has it. Even if the hair has changed somewhat over the years. 'Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting' follows before Peter Doherty (formally of The Libertines & now Baby Shambles) joins in for a version of Marc Bolan & T-Rex's 'Children Of The Revolution'.

Geldof is then introduced as The Boss & for a split second I thing Mr Springsteen has turned up. Not yet. Sadly. Geldof introduces Bill Gates who then talks about the hope of humanity & it's so easy to lean towards cynicism. Still he has no reason to be in Hyde Park unless he genuinely believes in the cause. It's not as if he needs the publicity.

Dido follows & while she's certainly shifted alot of "units" over the past few years I think she has the most average voice since the destruction of averageville. Youssou N'Dour joins her on stage & he proves why he is the ambassador for African music. Even if he's singing an average song ('Thank You') once sampled by Eminem. It should be Dido appearing with Youssou in my opinion not the other way around. 'Seven Seconds' ends the set & is by far the best song.

Sterophonics are next & they surprise me with how great they are. Ricky Gervais then brings some much needed humour. I laugh out loud & that doesn't happen to often. He thanks the audience for voting out Saskia. He even does "the dance" before introducing R.E.M. 'Everybody Hurts' is a real honest anthem free of the cheese that accompanies such songs as Robbie Williams 'Angels'. 'Man On The Moon' closes R.E.M.'s set & although the BBC fuck up & miss the beginning of the song it doesn't totally ruin it. It's a fabulous crowd sing along.

Kofi Annan says a few words & then Ms Dynamite takes to the stage. The highlight of her set is a cover of Bob Dylans 'Redemption Song'. Keane follow & then Travis. We've arrived at the bland section of the show indeed. Why Travis are here & not Radiohead or Doves is beyond me but I guess they can't make everybody happy. As an event this is still surreal & almost unbelievable to watch. Despite the blandness of Travis when they play a snippet of The Bee Gee's 'Staying Alive' I'm actually up dancing. Credit to them for that.

The obligatory performance of The Boomtown Rats classic 'I Don't Like Mondays' is next & though it seems a little nostalgic there's nothing wrong with that. The man put this whole thing together, the least we can allow him is a moment on the stage doing what he does second best.

Brad Pitt says a few words before introducing Annie Lennox. There's definitely more men here than women on the bill but I'm sure that's not intentional. 'Why' is haunting & beautiful.

We then see by video links The Black Eyed Peas perform 'Where Is The Love?' & Green Day 'American Idiot'. Both are lyrically perfect for the day. UB40 follow in London. I remember the saying, "If you haven't got anything good to say don't say anything at all" so concerning UB40 I simply have nothing to say whatsoever.

Huggy Bear himself Snoop takes to the stage next. Not knowing his music I don't know what to expect. We've already had a few choice swear words (& before the watershed too) so a few more don't matter. "PUT YOUR MOTHER F*G HANDS IN THE AIR!" He's great & gets everybody going. Very soulful too. I didn't think I'd enjoy the Dogg as much as I did.

Razorlight are the first real suprise of the day for me. That is I'd never heard them before & they were fantastic. I'm sure they didn't really wish they could be somewhere else. They could well be my new favourite band. Today could be the real birth of this fantastic five piece from America, England & Sweden collectively.

Bob Geldof introduces the original 'Drive' clip from the original Live Aid. You just can't not be moved & challenged by that. This isn't a guilt trip or manipulation but simply education. We just can't continue to live in our rich bubble of a life here in the West whilst these things are STILL happening. The introduction of the grown up child in that film, again, has nothing to do with manipulation. We moan if a political party says they'll have to increase tax but if only we could truly know the value & significance of our small lives. Changing the world may be a concept, a slogan & a dream but today I'm filled with hope. The challenge of course is what can I do?

Madonna who was a new name back in July 1985, it seems, has a career to save. The London Community Gospel Choir with her are superb. Her set is, 'Like A Prayer', 'Ray Of Light' & 'Music'. She definitely holds her own. 'Into The Groove' would have been a stronger last song for me. Music does make the people come together though. Her reference to the crowd as "you fuckers" seems a tad childish. She's hardly rock 'n' roll is she?

Snow Patrol are next & after seeing them support U2 recently in Manchester I feel equally bored. If these guys can get a deal Kyle William definitely should. To me they have nothing original or exciting about them. You realise how amazing Doves are after listening to this soulless dirge. My Mum loves them though.

The Killers are next. Based on there big single I though I'd hate them but again, I'm suprised. I feel I'm running out of expressive words but they are excellent & uplifting. "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier."

A snippet of Brian Wilson & his marvellous band performing 'Good Vibrations' from the Berlin event is worth the license fee alone I think.

As amazing a voice as she has I've never really dug Joss Stone. I'm not really sure why though. It's clearly not a female thing. Her second song is adorable & beautiful. Maybe I'm converted.

Scissor Sisters steal the show. So far anyway. It feels like the Queen moment of the day. & I don't mean because some of them are queens. I mean they're a great band. Some bands have been playing one song, I assume this is a time issue but I'm very happy SS play a full fifteen minute set. They shine from beginning to end. "What is it that you want? What is it that you give? Where do you plan on finding it? How are you gonna live?"

Spinal Tap are alive & well in the guise of ex Guns 'N' Roses guitarist Slash's new band Velvet Revolver. Sting plays the same set as at Live Aid. He looks younger now too. He plays 'Message In A Bottle', a song I'm unfamiliar with (which is by far the best of the three) & 'Every Breath You Take'. As with Elton John, this ageing fella definitely still has it. His voice is better now than it ever has been & his band featuring long time guitarist Dominic Miller is stunning & extremely well rehearsed. The footage shown on the screen at the back of the stage of the G8 leaders while Sting repeatedly sings, "Every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you" is a genius moment.

I can't think of anything negative about this entire event. How can it be a bad thing to TRY to bring influence? We live in dark times & this torch is an inspirational experience. Criticism was thrown around when Geldof asked the artists not to use the stage to bash Bush & Blair over Iraq. I fully get his point. I remain very anti-Iraq (the war) but this is an attempt to encourage (agreeable word) Blair & Bush et al to pledge more aid. Maybe if they DON'T deliver that'll be the time to criticise. Still, I live in hope.

Mariah Carey is just painful. The less said about that the better. What a show stopper. Not in the right way either.

The Beckham boy introduces Robbie Williams. He's a bit special really. The slowest moment of the day. That seems strangely apt somehow. I thought he might open the show with 'Let Me Entertain You' but he opens his set with 'We Will Rock You' going into the aforementioned Entertain You. I also thought he'd try & get the Queen moment. I'd still give it to Scissor Sisters. Robbie comes off as a bit try hard. At his best I still think he's a lucky guy to have quit a boy band at the right time. Anyone who covers a Sinatra song & leaves Sinatras voice as if duetting with him is always gonna fail in some way. Still the kids seem to love him & I guess that's all that matters. He encourages the crowd to sing the chorus to 'Feel' & they only know the first line. I mean really, why would anyone want to know it? 'Angels' is a predictable closer but this time everybody really knows the words. It's ok. He'll be off soon.

The magnificent Peter Kay fills beautifully while the stage is re-set for The Who. He leads the audience, or they lead him, in a sing a long of 'Is This The Way To Amarillo?'. A roadie try's to get him thrown off the stage in the most bizarre moment of the day. The BBC then cut away so we can hear Michael George. That was an error. Nice bit of the gay humour though. We like that. Soon enough Peter Kay is back with an encore of Amarillo. He gives a fine introduction to The Who.

The Who intrigue me. The half of them anyway that are still living. Daltrey made a sham of his appearance singing 'I Want It All' at the Freddie Mercury Tribute in 1992. I was there & it was indeed excruciating. Still tonight he's not singing a song by Queen. They open with 'Who Are You' & bloody hell they're good. I mean REALLY good. Daltrey's voice is perfect. Another highlight of this fine day. Maybe THIS will be the Queen moment. Paul Weller's drummer Steve White accompanies them. I'm sure Weller must've been jealous. Pete Townsend is incredible & pulls off the "looking cool" thing perfectly. Daltrey resembles an ageing university professor but that's no bad thing. I'm glad he didn't die before he got old. 'Wont Get Fooled Again' is just a joy in every way.

Mandela's speech from Johannesburg is inspiring. The best line of which, & probably this whole event, sums up everything the artists are trying to convey. "While poverty exists, there is no true freedom."

Faithless' performance from Berlin is just great. I've always been intrigued by them but not really heard anything by them. They're a genuinely original, unique & authentic band. Lucky for Berlin & unlucky for Hyde Park. Something about Otis Ferry makes me not want to pay attention to his Dad's band Roxy Music. It's ok, the Floyd will be up in a moment.

Now the moment I've been waiting for. Nick Mason, Roger Waters, Richard Wright & Dave Gilmour take to the stage for the first time since 1980 I believe. I've long dreamed of a re-union with Roger Waters & today has brought this about. They split in 1982 or 83. The very public bust up has been well documented. Several times. This really is a historic moment in the life of these four people & indeed the music loving world. Well, the parts of it that like the Floyd anyway. I love Gilmour & Waters singing together. That's why the Waters-less Floyd of the late 80's & 90's was always a little challenging. Roger Waters live I think sounds more like the Floyd than the Floyd have done. Anyway back to tonight. They open with 'Breathe' from Dark Side. A suprising but wonderful opener. 'Money' is second & it's official. LIVE8 ALL ABOUT THE MAGNIFICENT PINK FLOYD! I don't know how long they've been rehearsing but it sounds like they never stopped playing. Waters looks so energised & into it. No bad vibes at all are present. Wonderful stuff this. I do hope a tour will happen with this line up. The shot of the Battersea power station (used for 1977's 'Animals' album sleeve) is another perfect moment. 'Wish You Were Here' is third & Waters "Emotional" introduction & dedication to Syd Barret is genuinely moving. Fourth is 'Comfortably Numb'. I didn't think they'd play this but I'M SO GLAD they did. The lyrics are about drugs & there effects. To put it simply. In this context however they take on a whole new meaning. The context of everything this is about considered I mean.

Hello
Is there anybody in there
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb

O.K.
Just a little pin prick
There'll be no more aaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
And I have become
Comfortably numb.

Pink Floyd were definitely the best on the day. Maybe it was connected to the re-union as well as the music but they were absolutely perfect. Paul McCartney (& the best band he's played with since The Beatles) closes the show in Hyde Park. Drummer Abe Laborial Jnr is a master craftsmen & a very emotional player. Dare I say one of my favourite drummers in the world? Based on such a small experience of his work? I dare. He's my hero. Fat drummers rule!!! Macca opens his set with 'Get Back'. 'Drive My Car' is next & George Michael helps out on vocals. They like these love-ins huh? Thankfully there's not been to many of them today. Where were Peter Gabriel, Jim Kerr, Phil Collins & Meat Loaf? Weren't they supposed be be backing for Clapton & Dire Straits? It's a shame the recently re-united Cream didn't play actually. 'Helter Skelter' is third in Maccas set & the band really show there talents off. Majestic. 'The Long & Winding Road' is a bit slushy to me but all credit to the Macca man. He does "touching" so well. 'Hey Jude' is certainly a better closer than 'Let It Be' on piano not even coming through the PA. It sounds like everyone in Hyde Park was singing the "na, na, na, na na na naaaa's" & just to be sentimental I'll say everyone watching on tv too. Why not? I sure was :o . It's the perfect closer to a great party. All the days artists came on stage to help take it home. Very apt. Again somehow free of the obvious non-credible sentimentality that can accompany an event such as this. The balance all day of everything has been perfect. Edge even gets the last thankyou from Macca before Geldof says, "See you in Edinburgh". We shall see. I do hope that'll be another historic & peaceful day. "Anything's possible when you put your mind to it" as George tells Marty in 'Back To The Future'.

So it's over. Or the London part of it. What can be said? It's been a far stronger day musically than the original Live Aid event. Nostalgia aside I truly believe that. Signing an online petition, buying a wristband from Oxfam & uploading my photo to the Live8 site seem very insignificant actions. All I can say is at least it's something. I found the whole thing emotional & moving in many ways. A hugely positive act is so refreshing in these dark & cynical times we appear to be living in.

The future's here now & it can be better.

U2 Response

2010-11-22T00:39:00.001Z

The below was written by Chrissy who emailed me after reading my review of the U2 show I attended in June this year in another forum. I asked if I could copy it here & he agreed. I do so because I thought it may provoke some discussion about the aforementioned U2 & I also thought what he had to say was insightful, thought provoking & very interesting. My original post can be found just below this entry under the title 14.6.5.
----------
Robin, did you write this? I have to say that whole post had me in tears. It's so true & so beautiful. I swear to god, that was one of the most moving things I've ever read & it fits what I feel deep inside as well. More so now to me personally than ever. And I so very much doubt it was the weed giving it that feeling. Ok, it might have added to it but even so, it was all real. That's what being in U2 company, listening to their music, shows etc does for
me. It's something I can't quite explain. And feeling that coming from an entire audience of people & feeling the immense emotion coming off of them, I mean LITERALLY feeling it is something so surreal, & unreal. It's definitely a spiritual moment. Some may call me (us) crazy but whatever. It's hard for a lot of people to understand until they are a part of it or if they are blind & cold.

I always felt music itself was a living thing in a sense. A living entity, but U2's music seems to transcend even that. Some may say it's all in our minds but then how do you explain when someone who hates U2 goes to one of their shows after being dragged to it by a friend & leave after completely seeing the band in a whole different way & turning their opinion a whole 180 degrees?

I was never one to fall into the "traps" of media induced fan mania or whatever you wanna call it & even went through periods of questioning U2, & my own
sanity, & well, it's worthless. There's a magic there within that music & within the band themselves that radiates from somewhere so very magical and it's something I've never experienced before! I'm not in any way saying that Bono or anyone in U2 are the second coming of Christ, just that they have been able to reach this other level when together, like a magical equation. I dunno. Maybe there is something divine going on. I have no idea. But there surely is SOMETHING there. Believe me, I've questioned it & analysed it so much over the years & it's something that just is.

I agree about 'Beautiful Day' & the biblical reference. Some may see it as a sort of so-so song but it really does go much deeper. It's the spirit of it that takes it to so many other levels.

'With Or Without You' & 'Where The Streets Have No
Name', these songs live within their own dimension. They are their own entity & it's becoming to even overpower the band for God's sake. How can you watch a performance of such a song (be it live or even on a DVD) & not tell me that that's damn fucking special in a very divine way.

They take on a whole life of their own.

I don't know what it is about U2 but they do indeed have a way to open up depths of peoples souls that are otherwise closed off and who knows what the trick is. It just exists. But nothing compares to actually being there and experiencing it in person & feeling the cathedral & energy & joy from everyone & everything there. Each & every single word, guitar note, bass line & Bono vocal yelp says its own thing.

It enlightens you & wakes your soul up. No matter how much you try to fight it you'll give in. Been there done that LOL.

Ok, now I'm making U2 sound like some sick mind programming cult or Bono's doing some mass manipulation of the people but no, it isn't like that. The band knows it too. I think. That there's a
magic there & they have it. He feeds off it. It's what makes him live & he gives that off to the fans. Very weird.

Their music has a way of bringing everyone together & mending souls & relationships in such an immense way. It makes you really think and re-arranges those twists and knots in your soul and helps ease them.

It's something very much on a higher level. I'm not sure what but it is there.

14.06.05

2010-11-22T00:37:00.001Z

In a world where Rock 'N' Roll is the new religion & bands & artists are it's preachers it's good to have recently witnessed an authentic version. This was the 11th time I'd seen U2. The first being in Paris just after my 18th birthday in December 1989. Just before the "re-imagining period". The second that is. I think we're well into the fourth now after 25 years. All the albums for me can be separated into four parts. 'Boy', 'October' & 'War' are clearly & obviously connected. I think the same is true with 'The Unforgettable Fire', 'The Joshua Tree' & 'Rattle & Hum'. More than just the structure of the titles. Musically they always change very much by the fourth album in this cycle. 'Achtung Baby', 'Zooropa' & 'Pop' the same. I always wondered why the Passengers album wasn't released as U2. Now we have 'All That You Can't Leave Behind' & 'How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb'. The first two albums of the 4th part. What will the next one be called? 'Something A Bit Like This I Think'. Anyway back to the recent present.

Five of us went to Manchester. Me & my girlfriend. One of my oldest friends, one of my closest friends & my Brother. A fine friend I should add. U2 gigs for me have always been special to say the least. Some of my best memories are days out with friends at U2 shows. I had some weed with me. The weed comes up again. I just want to be honest these days. I'd smoked weed at many gigs before. It ruined a Bruce Springsteen show also in Manchester & it ruined many other things. The trouble is it also really helped me come alive to something deeper. Not that that deeper cannot be gained naturally. Of course it always will be. I dunno. I could write a book on weed. The up's & the down's. More down's than up's with the odd exception. Anyway I was determined to quit weed & this was to be one of the last times I smoked it. Stoner's say that alot though.

We queued outside from 1.30pm & got into the enclosure on the front of the field. I think maybe 5000 are separated from the rest of the crowd by a barrier. Two walkways reach out from the stage looking a little like a pair of headphones. Standing at the back of this enclosure during the show you feel a little guilty (everyone pushes forward) so there's much empty space at the back with thousands of people really crammed in behind you. It has the feel of being at the back of a large club. And it's really loud. I mean the sound is so often shit at outdoor gigs but the sound here is perfect. Superb. We're definably here & the company is so fine in every way. Many roads brought together for a day of new things.

During the support acts we moved around the stadium (we have wristbands to get back into the pit), sitting in various places, smoking (not all of us) some mind altering illegal substances. There's alot of people so moving around isn't the best. We were back in the enclosure just a few minutes before U2 started. A little stoned I was but not full of the guilt that so very often go's along with that. The paranoia was pretty calm too.

'Elevation' was the fourth song in & whilst I think I don't like it whenever I hear it I love it.

Higher now in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation
Love, lift me up out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

I always thought Bono sang "Are you not in the sky?" but I'm not sure. Either way something in me cried out to God in sheer desperation. I wanted back in. Not that I'd really been out mind you. It's hard to explain but the words, "Love lift me up out of these blues, wont you tell me something true, I believe in you" say it all.

'New Years Day' was next followed by 'Beautiful Day'. I always play 'New Years Day' at midnight on I'm sure you can guess which day. Some traditions shouldn't be ignored. For me 'Beautiful Day' contains some of the most (I was gonna say beautiful) poetic lyrics ever heard in a U2 song to date. Worthy of Biblical inclusion. If only we opened it up & added new things as they used to.

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out

This song for me also contains a prayer. For me on that night it was the follow up prayer to the lyrics in 'Elevation'.

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me Lord
I know I'm not a hopeless case

'City Of Blinding Lights' continues for me the all out fully specific authentic Godfest. Now I must keep saying that I was stoned. It seems relevant to me because I struggle somewhat with the seeming contradiction of experiencing God in a new way whilst clearly not being fully normal. Not that I'm normal much time in reality anyway.

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you grow
I knew much more then than I do now

Religion brings a lot of baggage with it. Ironically it's supposed be the Earthly tool for removing said baggage. It just gives you a load more & a framework to dismantle & re-build in as close to a God shaped life as we strive for. Some of us strive for. Many people just want the best for themselves and there family. Who doesn't? Many try to be kind & be nice & to treat others as they would themselves wish to be treated. I think they're the sinners. The unsaved according to the rules. The rules that Christ died to set us free from but we built them up again because sometimes tradition is more comfortable than truth & challenge.

The more you know
The less you feel
Some pray for, others steal
Blessings not just for the ones who kneel, luckily

'Miracle Drug' is next.

I am you and you are mine
Love makes no sense of space
And time...will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love...

Followed by 'Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own'. A song written in part about Bono's Dad but like so many great songs can translate to another level entirely. & I'm not talking about the weed here. That was ticking along just nicely. I've been going out with the love of my life Chelsea for a little over a year. A few months ago when I hoped certain circumstances (such as employment) may be different, I thought it'd be good to propose at the U2 show. Hopefully it wouldn't be something easily forgotten. I even toyed with the idea of emailing U2.com & trying to find out if I could even propose through the show. You often get a few nuts doing things like that. I know there was a part in the show people were invited to text there name to join a petition I believe. I thought a quick, "Chelsea Booth. I love you with my whole soul. Will you be my wife?" would add pleasure to the evenings proceedings. Of course I didn't even try. Still, during 'Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own' I had an overall knowledge of the strength of our relationship. I have no doubts concerning this wonderful woman & it seemed that would have been the moment to pop the question. If I was going to that is.

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

I think for the first time of a few spontaneous bursts of uncontrollable tears that night I was again moved by more than just the song.

'Love And Peace Or Else' was just unbelievable. They don't need to play 'Bullet The Blue Sky' for a while after this tour. This fits the bill nicely. Lyrically challenging. Larry played a lone tom tom drum at the end of one of the walkways. Then, after walking back to the kit to really kick in Edge's guitar solo wails (predictable but correct word) throughout the stadium. Real bluesey kick arse perfect Edge moment ya know? "& that's all I have to say about that." Except, where IS the love?

'Sunday Bloody Sunday' was next (definitely not a rebel song) followed by 'Bullet The Blue Sky'. At the end of Bullet Bono sang the lyrics from 'The Hands That Built America'. It seemed to add alot. Irony. Sadness. Taking the original context of Bullet into account & the state of the world today in part thanks to the new republic coalition. The project for the new American (with a capital A) century and it's pledge to challenge regimes hostile to America's values. What if a country thinks America's values in practice are simply not appropriate? Regime change maybe. Oooh a bit of politics. Well, the show was full of politics. Make poverty history. The G8. Africa. Images & words that could not fail to bring a challenge to everybody in the stadium I feel. The ones with hearts anyway.

After that 'Running To Stand Still' from 'The Joshua Tree'. The trilogies all fit together in perfect unison at a U2 show. At the end everybody in the place sang, Hallelujah's over and over again. Now I know what Hallelujah means (with a capital H). I just slowly looked around the stands. Although we were closer the front than the middle it felt as though I was exactly in the middle of everybody. What an overwhelming sense of God's love I felt for every single person in the stadium. All here together experiencing (whether they know it or not - or believe it or not) an awesome meeting with the creator of the Universe through what's probably, let's face it, his favourite band.

'Pride' was next then 'Where The Streets Have No Name'. I again looked around & I saw the people furthest away from the stage at the highest point out of there seats dancing. Everybody. I looked along the crushed line of people behind the barrier & every face was full of joy. You could've cut the atmosphere with a chain saw.

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Streets is about heaven for me & what an anthem to be playing as we walk towards the golden gates (add pictoral image here of your choice) to greet open armed the one who saved us. That works for me.

We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

'One' followed & ended the first set.

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

A memory of 1993 no doubt with the first song of the encore (which apparently means play something you already have again) being 'Zoo Station'. U2 really can rock & this is without doubt the best U2 show of my life. So far. Not even a grain of doubt. By this point I'm ready for the laughing gas (I'd had a little of my own) & ready for what's next. Ready to duck, ready to dive, ready to say I'M GLAD TO BE ALIVE, I'm ready. Ready for the push. It felt as though throughout this show I'd offered my life and my thoughts and my problems and my faults and my weaknesses all back to the one I never really forgot about. The great mystery of my life is trying to unravel some of the eternal mysteries that alot of people wonder about whether they would call themselves religious or Christian or not. The higher power that's out there looking out for us who isn't exclusive to Christians (with a capital C) on a Sunday. Well that big fella was there with me and everyone in the place. I felt energised and alive. I felt fresh & I felt new. The show wasn't even over yet.

'The Fly' followed with it's subliminal messages. I stood in awe trying to take in every phrase. The only one I can remember is "The Secret Is Your Pain." Man alive I could write a book based on that phrase and never finish it. It's practically impossible for me to get across the tiniest bit of my experience that night & I cant hold it in to higher a place. U2 were fantastic & for me they were nicely working vessels. Bringing the glory down that's free of all the Earthly constraints. It bypasses all logic & doubt. All fear & hope. It's just there. Like a radio station we were all tuned in to. I'm sure nobody else in the place would describe the experience exactly as I have & that's the beautiful thing about the man upstairs. The man downstairs. The secret is my pain. What IS the secret? To brag about it? To boast about it? To not give a fuck about what people will think when you put your life on the line?

'Mysterious Ways' followed & I just watched Chelsea dance. She probably thinks she can't dance but never a more beautiful sight in the whole of creation have I seen.

'With Or Without You' was next. You can never get bored of that song. 'All Because Of You' from the new album followed. Now that's a SONG. Again the lyrics were just so personal to me & will remain so forever. I guess it was like somebody switching a light on cheesy as I'm sure that sounds.

I was born a child of grace
Nothing else about the place
Everything was ugly but your beautiful face
And it left me no illusion

I saw you in the curve of the moon
In the shadow cast across my room
You heard me in my tune
When I just heard confusion

I like the sound of my own voice
I didn't give anyone else a choice
An intellectual tortoise
Racing with your bullet train

Some people get squashed crossing the tracks
Some people got high rises on their backs
I'm not broke but you can see the cracks
You can make me perfect again

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am...I am

Particularly the following lyrics mean everything to me.

I'm alive
I'm being born
I just arrived, I'm at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside

The first section just was where I was at that moment. The second a song of praise about it. 'Yahweh' was stripped down & acoustic & again I wouldn't do it justice without the lyrics themselves.

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

What a perfect line to end the show. Take this heart & make it break. Seems like the old sinners prayer in a nutshell.

Yahweh is his name.

Now before the show seeing on setlists that the band were opening & closing with 'Vertigo' I was very critical. It's so easy to be critical when you haven't been there. But as if for some deeper context, to remind me where I came in today & in a sense where I'll leave it. Much more tired. Very stoned. Full of calmness. I dare say confusion too. Was this simply the weed or was it what I really knew it was? How does that add up with the fact that I was stoned? I could barely talk to my friends after the show. In part out of full contemplation but also because I was mashed. I remember saying to one friend as we exited the stadium, "This is where it all begins I guess?". She possibly looked at me like I was stoned but that was how it felt. I've always known that God is the provider of second chances. 70 x 7 in fact. But this was one of the few times in my life I'd truly experienced one of those second chances.

Not only was it the best U2 show I'd ever experienced it was the best gig I've ever experienced. Dare I say one of the most significant days of my life?

I dare.

I had such high hopes after that day. I made a determined effort to cut things out of my life (including the aforementioned weed) that I knew had no place being there. I hoped it wasn't just a "spiritual high" as they say. I knew it wasn't & I was determined to live differently.

Two weeks later I've fallen back into some of those things & again tried to lift myself out. I've been smoking weed this evening & I'm determined that this will be the last. It sounds a little hopeless in one sense. A man who's always tried to give up weed but who has consistently shown that he's unable to do so. Even today. I want to end this chapter once & for all.

I guess nothing really ends so I'll have to write again soon.

I'm hopeful, I'm optimistic, I'm rich compared to most of the world & I've got absolutely nothing to complain about. I feel very blessed.

Now to do something with it.

Or try.

Vertigo
I Will Follow
The Cry / The Electric Co - Bullet With Butterfly Wings (snippet) - I Can See For Miles (snippet)
Elevation
New Year's Day
Beautiful Day
City Of Blinding Lights
Miracle Drug
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - No Regrets (snippet)
Love And Peace Or Else
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky - The Hands That Built America (snippet) - When Johnny Comes Marching Home (snippet)
Running To Stand Still
Pride (In The Name Of Love)
Where The Streets Have No Name
One
----------
Zoo Station
The Fly
Mysterious Ways
With Or Without You / Transmission (snippet) / Love Will Tear Us Apart (snippet)
All Because Of You
Yahweh
Vertigo / Stories For Boys (snippet)

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith

2010-11-22T00:34:00.000Z

I just got in from seeing a just past midnight showing of the aforementioned 'Revenge Of The Sith'. I'm still not sure what the sith is getting revenge for but maybe somebody will point that out to me. It seems as though the title was simply a nice link to 'Return Of The Jedi'. Boy 2005 is the year for this film. I mean a truly dark epic for truly dark times. It's around 4am here in England & I like the fact that in New York it's 11pm yesterday which means I've seen the movie before many, many people. Many, many people in America that is. Not that I'm anti-American you understand, I'm just anti-George Bush. But then you'd be forgiven for thinking that so is George Lucas. I don't think the political undertones & overtones are a mere coincidence. Lucas said on a Newsnight interview recently that he wrote the back story during the Vietnam war but he definitely didn't write the script then. Though as I waited for the bus home I couldn't help but talk to a few people who'd also seen it (I saw it alone) & when I suggested to them it was all about Bush (no pun intended) they looked at me as if I was a wookie. The fact that power corrupts is no new concept of course but to turn ones back on democracy (did I mention George Bush?) and seek ultimate power in a very imperialistic way seems to remind me of something I read on the website for the project for the new American century. Star Wars Episode III could be called 'The Birth Of The Empire' & George Bush's theft of the 2000 US election could also be paraphrased in that way. There were also lines concerning the leader of the alleged opposition that strongly reminded me of Mr Bin Laden. As long as he's alive the war will never end & suchlike. Just who would Mr Bush be without his Mr Bin Laden?

So back to the film. Though I never really left it. I initially wondered if it was gonna be as dark as I knew it needed to be & Lucas didn't let me down. I mean it was dark. Really dark. Episode III makes 'The Empire Strikes Back' look like 'Howard The Duck'. Ok so we didn't actually see the rising Lord Vader slaughter the children but we knew he did it & it was quite shocking when you think of Episode I & the antics of Jar Jar Binks. Some may say that when Anakin indeed "turned" to the dark side it happened to quickly but when you reflect on the arc of the character through episodes I, II & III it made perfect sense. Besides it was all based on a lie anyway but I'll come to that in a while. As a boy in episode I Anakin was bragging about being the best pilot in the entire universe or words to that effect. In episode II the darkness was there with the killing of the sand people & the arrogance of the character. I've heard that criticised as him being a cocky teenager but he was a cocky teenager.

In a way I disliked episodes I & II (or thought I did) mainly due to the fact that they were so different to IV, V & VI but now the saga is complete it all makes perfect sense. Sure we could have done without Jar Jar Binks but all the same it stands on it's own merit now as a truly great trilogy. I'm sure history will be kinder to it than some older Star Wars fans were before seeing episode III. So I said it's dark right? And it really is. Not really one for the kids. This is definitely the one that fans of the original trilogy will adore. All my very initial thoughts of course but I didn't expect it to be this good. I left the cinema after seeing episode I & ended up being quoted in the Nottingham Evening Post as "a tad disappointed". This was the pay off and even worth the six year wait. It's worth the ticket price alone just to see Vaders helmet clean & polished & put in it's place. And when we hear the heavy breathing? Hey that wasn't supposed to sound rude.

As well as being political it seems Lucas has succeeded in telling a great morality tale. I would say religious overtones but I don't like the word religion. That's the way the emporer describes the Jedi in episode III but a way of life cannot adequately be described as a religion. Surely only by those on the outside. The reason Anakin is persuaded to do a deal with the devil if you will is based upon lies. And more than that lies upon lies upon lies. A most genius point Lucas makes I don't think accidentally. I've always struggled with the Christian theology that says people decide between God & the devil. Heaven & hell. Nobody in there right mind would choose to follow the devil with all the facts before them. Anakin is conned into it out of fear. He's tricked and lied to by the emporer & that is ultimately his path to the dark side. I loved that message.

There were a few minor errors that I wont even mention because they are very minor & I'd be nitpicking. There's no way the transition into parts IV - VI could be 100% perfect when they were finished over twenty years ago (give or take a special edition here & a dvd release there) but it comes as close as it possibly could.

So to end my little (or big?) review I'll say I loved it. You probably gathered that already. I wasn't disappointed in any way. It far exceeded my expectations & I just can't wait to see it again. And again.

The Outsiders Are Gathering A New Day Is Born (written in 2005)

2010-11-22T00:33:00.001Z

Just a few hours after I got home from Bolton I got up to go & see R.E.M. with Chelse. This gig was at Nottingham Forest's ground. The first gig ever held there. After a disturbing visit to the Job Centre (I'm sure they think they're helping) I arrived at Chelses house. As ever it was simply a delight to see her face. After watching some tv (nice VH1 documentary about Brian Wilson) we left for the show.

A little over a week ago Chelse went through quite an upsetting operation & whilst fully on the road to recovery she was no where near 100%. I was determined to look after her & do my best to make sure she had a great evening. After arriving at the stadium we realised the first support band was Idlewild & so we hadn't missed The Zutons. We'd been especially looking forward to seeing them. There debut album 'Who Killed The Zutons' is exciting, consistently top drawer & a classic already. They played most of it & didn't disappoint. Definitely a band to keep an eye out for. The best band to come out of Liverpool since The Beatles? I can't think of a better one.

The weather was miserable & the seats not fantastic (so we moved to some empty ones that were) but the company perfect. R.E.M. started around 8.30pm. The sound was bouncing off the opposite wall but you could adjust to that imperfection. The sound is always gonna be crapper outdoors than indoors. The show & staging were fantastic (Coldplay put almost no effort into this side of proceedings) & the set blistering.

A third of the songs being from there excellent recent album 'Around The Sun', a third obvious hits & a third more obscure album tracks. They fit together well. The crowd sadly didn't seem to know a lot of the songs but at such a large venue, there'll always be those folk who just love 'Shiny Happy People' & 'Everybody Hurts'.

The band were first rate & despite the sound, weather & lacklustre crowd issues we both had a superb evening. The crowd actually booed when Michael Stipe announced that they were from the United States of America but promptly cheered at his introduction to 'The Final Straw' as a protest to the current administration. R.E.M. joined Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam & other artists at last years 'Vote For Change' tour. Sadly it appears it didn't do enough. 51 or 52% of the two thirds of Americans that voted, voted for George W Bush. Despite a few thousand uncounted votes in Ohio. Does anybody even remember how Bush came to power in 2000? I think it's great when artists get off the fence one way or another & make a stance, sometimes a potentially dangerous one financially, over what they truly believe.

"Some people say that you shouldn't mix music & politics or sport & politics or whatever, but, I think that's kinda bullshit." (Adam Clayton)

I saw R.E.M. in 1995 at Milton Keynes Bowl. That was in support of 'Monster' but they only played three songs from the previous studio album 'Automatic For The People'. Tonight ten years & three or four more albums later they play four. Automatic is a masterpiece & I didn't think when I set out that evening I'd get to hear 'Drive' & 'Nightswimming'. Speaking of Automatic the show ended with the crowd pleasing 'Man On The Moon'. The perfect tempo for many people to jump up & down in perfect unison.

We waited for the crowds to leave before we slowly made our way out. We then found our lift home easier than if God himself had sorted out the timing. R.E.M. are a world class act & so is the lady on my arm.

I love making new memories with Chelsea.

Am I Part Of The Cure Or Am I Part Of The Disease? (written in 2005)

2010-11-22T00:30:00.001Z

The band I'm in is called Kyle William. The last time the four of us went to a gig together it was to see Counting Crows in London in early 2004. Today it's Coldplay in Bolton. My friend Fields is the keyboard player in a band called Morning Runner who have opened for Coldplay at each date of there British tour. Talk about a baptism of fire. They haven't been signed too long (a little over a year I believe) & now they're opening for Coldplay. I couldn't be happier for him & the rest of the band. He was able to get me a free ticket plus one so I invited Tom. He plays bass in Kyle William. Liz & Steve (the other half of Kyle) bought tickets at the last minute so we were all able to go together.

Traffic was pretty bad & by the time me & Tom had got in we'd missed Morning Runner's set. We were in the hospitality section overlooking the crowd where Liz & Steve were, on the pitch & fully involved. Me & Tom had tried to get down to the pitch but weren't allowed with our tickets. Doves were the second support band & I've loved them for a couple of years now. Me & Chelsea saw them at Rock City in Nottingham in March 05 & they were incredible. In fact I think they're better than Coldplay & can't quite believe that they're still playing small clubs when Coldplay are playing stadiums. Both being at the same point, that is having released three albums. The sound wasn't fabulous but, as ever, Doves were. A blistering set featuring a mix of singles & more obscure album tracks. They ended with 'There Goes The Fear' & everyone in the place loved it.

Tom & myself then found out that our seats were high above on the top ledge. We didn't really fancy leaving the hospitality section so sit in seats at the end of the row almost at the side of the stage. The view was impaired which is why the seats haven't been allocated. After returning from the bar with three pints of tap water (about all I could afford) I found Tom chatting with some stoner guy. Great. I have no weed with me yet after a few moments he offered us some. Tom rather sensibly & wisely declined but I have a few "tokes". I know I write alot about weed here but it's been an important & significant part of my life, of course rarely in a positive way. It goes to my head but it soon wore off as I had a very small amount.

Coldplay took to the stage just after 8.30pm. They'd saved the best sound for them, it was considerably better than the sound Doves had. They played alot of new songs most of which I didn't know as I haven't heard 'X & Y' yet. Most of the songs are real authentic anthems & suit a stadium environment perfectly. Of course after seeing U2 recently Coldplay couldn't come close but they certainly seem to tap into the same spirit. Songs of encouragement & hope & out & out praise were included. I felt overwhelmed as I did at U2 in Manchester. I was part of an amazing event. People singing & dancing in unison. 'Clocks' features a section with the lyrics, 'Nothing else compares, nothing else compares, nothing else compares." Everyone in the place was singing at the top of there voices & for that few seconds I felt like I was sitting in heaven. The older I get the more I realise God cannot be contained & will not be contained. He'll go where he wants, use who he wants & touch everybody regardless of the state of that person. As U2 say, "Blessings not just for the ones who kneel, luckily."

After the show we all met up & every one of us has had a great night. Chelsea obviously wasn't with us & I'd missed her. Every experience I have that Chelse isn't at somehow feels like half an experience. Not to take anything away from the great evening. I'm just trying to explain how I felt & feel. When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you also want to spend every minute of every day with that person. I do with Chelsea anyway.

One resounding theme of the evening was that we (Kyle William) want to do this for a living. After seeing Coldplay & Doves play great songs in front of many people & more than that, move many people, I guess we all got excited about the future of Kyle. We've been told we're good enough to make it by people who know exactly what they're talking about & I've always known that to be true.

I have the most beautiful & wonderful girlfriend in the world & I'm in the best unsigned band in the world. Weed or not weed, again, I am filled with hope. I have nothing at all to complain about.

I

2010-11-22T00:28:00.001Z

I've wondered why the Church appears to lean to the conservative. I guess alot of us in "the west" or "the free world" have a certain amount of wealth. Also I guess that a conservative or black & white approach to the Bible, even if that isn't the way it was intended to be read, can lead (or seems to?) to a rather stiff view of the world. I mean we all pick & choose what we like whether we say that we take it literally or whether we're "liberal". I think so many of us seem to lean towards a particular world view & subconsciously try to enforce that from scripture.

That is that "I" matters.

And in the right way can you not take the message from the Bible that what matters least is "I"?

An Inconvenient Truth

2010-11-22T00:26:00.000Z

Being a recovering liberal, lefty, politics junkie I was more than gutted when the Al Gore was robbed of his victory in the 2000 American election. I was therefore intrigued to see his film 'An Inconvenient Truth' about global warming.

But wait. If that first paragraph is the most boring thing you've ever read please read on. The film, despite appearances, definitely isn't boring.

There are obviously far too many facts in the film to mention here but facts they are. As well as being a scary eye opening experience it's also an enjoyable one. Well, enjoyable isn't the right word concerning such a topic but like I said, boring it isn't.

One of the things I found most interesting was that around a thousand articles by prominent scientists were looked at. They all agreed with the facts presented in the film concerning the impact of global warming. Certain sections of the media (The Daily Mail to name one) seem very lacklustre about the issue. Newsnight reported a few weeks ago that a slur film against 'An Inconvenient Truth' has been funded by Exxon. Why a large oil company would want to give the impression that global warming is a myth rather than a fact, is beyond me. A bit of sarcasm there.

Please see this film if at all possible, though if you do you'll have no excuse. I guess sometimes the view from under the duvet is at least a cosy one.

At one point in the film Al Gore asks: "IS IT POSSIBLE WE SHOULD PREPARE FOR ANY THREATS OTHER THAN TERRORISM?" I'd say the answer's a resounding yes.

Too Much Control? (14.03.07)

2010-11-22T00:25:00.000Z

It seems funny that in my new job as board operator for Nottingham based cab company Cable Cars I have control over some drivers who've been driving for the company eighteen years. I feel like I've been here ten minutes, and it isn't even that many weeks. It's quite a thankless job and this may well be the most boring blog post in the history of such interactive delights. I guess I haven't written for so long and just wanted to.

Without a job we can't do things like move house or plan a wedding yet with a job we can't do things like get enough sleep, spend enough time with ones fiancée or keep in touch with friends that we love so dearly. What a strange world.

Still, you wont catch me complaining and if I should like I am I'm not. I feel like the richest man in the world. I have a job that pays a good wage, i have a girl to call my own and I have a future that, for once, has a hope and an expectancy.

Thank the maker as C3PO says.

On Turning 35

2010-11-22T00:22:00.000Z

I don't know what middle aged is but at thirty five I feel it. The average life expectancy of a man is around seventy, that makes thirty five the middle of that right? I hope hope to God that I make it to seventy. And beyond. I haven't really looked after myself up to this point & whilst I now want to, I struggle.

When I turned thirty I got very reflective. Much more so at thirty five. If this were my "middle age" then I have the same behind me as in front. This hypothetical situation got me thinking. About all the obvious things really. How will the rest of my life pan out? Have I learned enough in the last thirty five years to get me through the next?

Plus being at a transitional period in my life things ahead have, in many ways, never seemed so appealing & exciting whilst at the same life has never seemed so scary.

A Modern Day Parable

2010-11-22T00:20:00.000Z

A gay man weeps at the back of a Church. His head in his hands. Crying out to God in his loneliness, sorrow & confusion. Have mercy on me dear Father. Help me.

A straight man stands on the front row. Arms in the air to God & prays, "thank you Father for my family & thank you that I'm not like the queer at the back."

Which of these men is justified before God?

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

2010-11-22T00:18:00.000Z

I still see Vader as the hero of the piece. The line on the opening scrawl "the evil lord Vader" seems a little black & white compared to the message of Episode 3 but I guess it was written at a time when Lucas wanted the audience to believe Vader was simply evil so the pay off would be bigger when we discover he's actually Luke's Father.

I liked Chewy taking apart the Falcon obviously not under the instruction of Han. Maybe that was his way of stalling as he didn't really want to leave his new friends. I think of him picking up Yoda in Episode 3 & him collecting the pieces of C3PO together towards the end of Episode 5. I view all the characters (maybe apart from Han Solo) differently now with the saga complete & I think Chewy's just a huge, hairy ball of love.

What's with the criticism of the cheesy dialogue in 1 - 3? Have people forgotten that that's part of it? I heard wedge say "Wu Hah! That got 'em" or something like that. Don't tell me that's real earthy dialogue. It isn't meant to be. That's the part comic book aspect I think & every critic that criticises that today is just missing the point around 100%.

When Han & Chewy are fixing the Falcons HyperDrive ("pass me the hydro spanners") Leia is handling the flying. They're really being attacked though. We know she's handy with a gun & a tough cookie like her Mother before her but I never really thought about her piloting the Falcon. A fine pilot she must be. Strong with the force is this one. Daddy's little girl no doubt.

Though I'm not sure about her kissing Luke. Even if to keep Han on the trail & play hard to get. Luke seems to like it but maybe that's how it would be. She says later that "somehow she's always known" she was his twin so Leia Skywalker (real name) you have no excuse love. Later when she plays hard to get with Han on the Falcon before they kiss he isn't really having any of it so she hits her hand on the roof. She really does want him to do all the running huh? Or does she just think that she keeps messing up? Later when they do first kiss there's a symbol in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. It looks like the peace sign with two dog tags on the top of each finger. Kind of reminds me of the M.A.S.H. dvd cover. Has anyone else noticed this?

Anakin sure has allot of hidden anger though huh? Mind you all his men seem to want to convince him that the rebels are probably dead. I like his answer to one around the asteroid sequence I think where he just says in a very cheesed off voice, "No, they are alive". You can imagine him thinking "Strewth all this men are IDIOTS!!!" After he kills the first Admiral as we see the second one appointed he gestures with his chin to call somebody over. I imagine him saying "hey clean this up please" in a quiet voice knowing that if he messes up his fate'll be the same. This killing is completely unnecessary but like I said. I think Anakin has a lot of anger. He's hates himself so much for killing Padme that his anger comes out in irrational & pointless ways. I wonder what he gets up to in his black egg thing when he isn't communicating with the emperor. I wonder what he thinks when he sees his face briefly as his helmet is removed. Does Darth Vader cry? I think probably allot. We just only see his anger. He's definitely the hero of the piece. When he talks to the emperor & is told perhaps what he already knows (he doesn't sound all that shocked) his response is to say "he's just a boy, OB1 can no longer help him" he's defending Luke really. Inwardly thinking leave my boy alone. That's what I like to think anyway.

Yoda saying that all Luke's life he's watched him dream the present away. I paraphrase but that's what he says. I never even noticed that before. That's why Dagobah seems so familiar to Luke? Yoda's been somehow visiting him. Maybe in his dreams? I love that. I also love his seriousness. No fluffing around. We're down to the serious bit here kid & I don't think you're up to it. Testing him? Playing Devils advocate maybe? The line "much anger in him, like his Father" is just now a million times stronger.

When the Falcon floats away with the garbage we see some kind of space dustbin floating past Slave 1. Nice touch. I can't remember if that was there originally or was added for the special edition or the dvd. Very subtle. Very funny.

When Luke decides to jump down (let's face it) the biggest height in the biggest tunnel ever I think it's because of the lesson he learned from Yoda concerning the X-Wing. Size matters not. I don't think he see's it as a mighty fall but rather a way out of a very delicate situation.

Episodes 1, 2 & 3 were made with the greatest possible technology we have now. The same is for 4 - 6 of there time. I think it wont take long for the new trilogy to seem dated but that's no bad thing. Maybe they'll be called "Old School CGI" or "Pre-3D". I think they work also because the universe was a big place. The story was bigger. In the time of 4 - 6 the shroud of the dark side has fallen. Things look old. Retro. More real. Less cartoon-ish. The story of Luke & Leia & Anakin's redemption is simply about those characters more than the places they inhabit. The new trilogy have a completely different feel as maybe disappointed fans noted. But that surely is the point? We can now see how it began. See how the Jedi ran the place. See them looking after things but also getting involved in bureaucracy. See how the political establishment was manipulated into a fear ridden fear driven agenda by a power mad politician. Then skip to twenty or so years later and we can see the fall out.

I love these films. But you probably know that. Lucas IS a genius & he knew what he was doing even when some of the fans thought he didn't. I wish I could send him this.

27.10.02

2010-11-22T00:12:00.000Z

Here it is.

So after the hell of queuing for the tickets in the first place and then major storms throughout England & having to get a taxi from Leicester to Guildford (thanks to Midland Mainline) after all train services were cancelled, I found myself inside Wembley Arena with my two friends shortly before 7.30pm. We were almost at the back of the floor but I didn't really care. I was inside where thousands were not.

The first thing that appealed to me about 'The Rising' on my first few listens was the fact that alot of these songs were like Hymns. Songs to encourage, uplift & generally to help me understand God a little more.

"It is important for me to emphasise that the shared collective consciousness at rock concerts can be either good or evil. We must not think that this force is necessarily evil just because it transcends individualism. Actually the collective effervescence can be very positive & can have a godly impact on those in the crowd. Certain rock musicians (like the band U2 or Bruce Springsteen) can elicit a collective consciousness that is filled with hope & faith. I have seen rock concerts that have generated a collective effervescence which had something of the fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control) evident in it. Those who come away from these "good" concerts seem to take on a love, joy & peace that comes from beyond themselves. What they share in the concerts seems to be holy & of God." (Tony Campolo)

"...the cares of this world, they seem to bring you down..." (Kevin Prosch)

The main thing I was looking forward to about the concert was the chance to meet with God in a new way. I understand how odd this may sound to you but I'm just writing out my review/experience of my evening at Wembley. The Rising was the first song played & it immediately lifted me. How could it not? I find this song to be one of the most uplifting life affirming anthems ever written.

"...there's spirits above & behind me, faces gone black eyes burning bright, may their precious blood bind me, Lord as I stand before you're fiery light..."

The gig continued & it clearly was no 'Greatest Hits' set. Lonesome Day was second which seems to be a completely uplifting song whilst the lyrics remain quite realistic & negative in places. It always seemed to me like a follow up to U2's Beautiful Day but then I am nuts. Jackson Cage & No Surrender, both old album tracks followed and plenty of new songs also. I really think I "got into" the gig when Badlands was played. Everyone was singing along but the lyrics to me that night seemed more poignant than ever.

"......talk about a dream, try to make it real, you wake up in the night, with a fear so real, spend your life waiting, for a moment that just don't come, well, don't waste your life waiting, badlands, you've got to live it every day, let the broken hearts stand, as the price you've got to pay, we'll keep pushing till it's understood, & these badlands start treating us good......poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king, & a king aint satisfied till he rules everything, I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I've got......I believe in the love that you gave me, I believe in the hope that can save me, I believe in the faith, & I pray, that someday it may raise me, above these badlands......"

It just felt like I was singing about me. Broken dreams & waiting for a moment that just doesn't seem to come. Then of course it's very victorious, it's a faith statement & it frickin' rocked. I really connected during this song & I don't mean to Bruce. Soon after Mary's Place was played which to me is a song about Heaven. That is I think it's about the best place you can imagine & for me that's Heaven.

"......familiar faces around me, laughter fills the air, you're loving grace surrounds me, everybody's here, furniture's out on the front porch, music's up loud, I dream of you in my arms, I lose myself in the crowd......let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain......meet me at Mary's place, we're gonna have a party......tell me how do you live brokenhearted?......seven days seven candles, in my window lighting your way, you're favourite record's on the turntable, I drop the needle & pray, I drop the needle & pray......"

I knew after a particular song (Countin' On A Miracle I think) that Bruce played a couple of acoustic songs. These seemed to change from gig to gig but could have been one of about five or so songs that were rotated. The first song that really got me into his music is called 'Incident On 57th Street' & I knew it had been played a few times throughout the tour. I never thought I'd hear this song played live...ever. Songs from the album it's taken from rarely get played live. Also my friend Hayley's favourite song is The River. A week or so before the gig I really prayed (selfishly) that we'd hear both these songs. We did. For The River it was only the second time he'd played it on the whole tour & for Incident looking at previous set lists the implication was that it wouldn't be played as it seemed to be every other gig. For most of Incident I was in such shock that I was shaking. The next song was a new one called 'Into The Fire' & the lyrics of the chorus are...

"......may your strength give us strength, may your faith give us faith, may your hope give us hope, may your love give us love..."

It also started with some amazing singing & violin playing. I can't even describe it but to me it sounded like spontaneous worship. During this song I really had to get on my knees before God & kind of say sorry for the selfish way I've been living my life recently.

Two encores followed but my highlights were certainly My City Of Ruins & Land Of hope & Dreams. Now I realise that what I've written may sound a little way out there but these two songs were just like church. Not that the whole evening hadn't felt like that anyway.

"......the church door's thrown open, I can hear the organ's song, but the congregation's gone, my city of ruins......now the sweet bells of mercy, drift through the evening trees......while my Brother's down on his knees, my city of ruins......now with these hands, I pray Lord, with these hands, I pray for the strength Lord, with these hands, I pray for the faith Lord, with these hands, I pray for your love Lord, with these hands......come on rise up, come on rise up......"

When Bruce introduced Born In The USA he said "this is a song that I wrote about the Vietnam war, I now play it as a prayer for peace." It's funny that even with songs from The Rising I think Bruce continues to be, in some fashion, mis-interpreted. Born In The USA is a dark anti war song but because of it's militrilistic & upbeat sound many assumed it was a flag waving anthem. Nothing much has been said about thoughts on the possible upcoming war on Iraq etc but a prayer for peace seems to speak for itself. Also I think because The Rising was in part inspired by the events of 9/11 it in part has been mis-interpreted too. There is a line "I want an eye for an eye" though this is from the perspective of somebody that lost a partner in the twin towers. There are also lyrics throughout the album like...

"......blood moon rising in a sky of black dust, tell me baby who do you trust, the fuse is burning, shut out the lights......"

"......a little revenge & this too shall pass......"

"......better ask questions before you shoot, deceit & betrayal's a bitter fruit......"

"......sometimes the truth just aint enough, or it's too much in times like this......"

I just don't personally believe that The Rising album is a pro George W Bush flag waving patriotic anthem that some would assume it is. Or try & make it. It's clearly Bruce's most accomplished work & history I know will show it to be one of his three most important albums. Anyway, back to Land Of Hope & Dreams...

"......I will provide for you, & I'll stand by your side, you'll need a good companion now, for this part of the ride, leave behind your sorrows, & let this day be the last, tomorrow there'll be sunshine, & all this darkness past, big wheels roll through fields where sunlight streams, meet me in a land of hope & dreams......this train carries saints & sinners, this train carries losers & winners, this train carries whores & gamblers, this train misfits lost soul ramblers, this train carries broken hearted, this train, thieves & sweet souls departed, this train carries fools & kings, this train......all aboard, this train, dreams will not be thwarted, this train, faith will be rewarded, this train, hear the steel wheels singing, this train, bells of freedom ring......"

The gig ended with Thunder Road from the Born To Run album. The whole gig lasted around two hours and forty five minutes and was simply one of the best evenings of my life. No exaggeration. Pretty life changing too.

Apparently there is a book coming out soon written by Steve Stockman called "Secular Prophets". I don't know much about it other than I believe it's in part based on the verse in the Bible that talks about......"even the rocks will cry out". My interpretation being that when the Church seems to be irrelevant & unappealing (& that can be to many Christians let alone non Christians) and when so called "Christian music" doesn't seem to be reaching many people other than Christians then God will use whoever he wants, whenever he wants and however he wants. Like I said though, just my interpretation & my personal thoughts.

I don't know if Bruce Springsteen is a Christian or not, but that's not really the point. He clearly is in a place where God is using him in mighty mighty ways. Whether he knows it or not.

The X Factor Rant / Sermon (Delete As Apropriate)

2010-10-10T00:12:00.010+01:00

Recently the subject of 'The X Factor' has come up in a few conversations with different friends and this led to a wonderful discussion between my wife and I recently.

Love it or despise it reality TV is here to stay. I used to love it but have grown to despise it. We all know about the early stages of shows like The X Factor, Pop Idol & American Idol and for many this is the best bit. It might be said that it's a bit of light hearted entertainment but when people - who think for whatever reason that they can sing - are wheeled out to be (quite literally) judged and in many cases ridiculed something feels a little wrong. Ridiculed is a strong word but I think a perfectly accurate word.

"Search you feelings you know it to be true." (Darth Vader)

Now to get to the actual judges on TV you have to go through two or three other groups of producers and it'll come as no surprise to anybody that some of these people are chosen for the entertainment value that they will bring. That's a no brainer. So whether you get genuine entertainment out of seeing these people fail (and I doubt many people do) or offer a sympathetic "awww bless them" it's pretty much the same thing in my opinion. The programme and the programme makers have intentionally set out to find people that will entertain the masses and the central premise of that entertainment is that they will be ridiculed on national television.

Yes they decide to go...yes they may be deluded about whether or not they can actually sing but this to me is irrelevant. Producers take these people in and are intentionally playing with their dreams whilst knowing that they won't get any further but also knowing that it will be "good television". Call me dramatic but that seems pretty sick to me.

"Check yourself before you wreck yourself." (Ancient Vulcan proverb)

Now I'm not seeking or intending to judge anybody who watches it - as I said I used to watch it myself - and the intention in writing this is NOT to look down upon anybody. That's the furthest thing from my mind...all I'm doing here is sharing my thoughts.

Could it possibly be that by watching this programme viewers are inadvertently and accidentally supporting this system of ridicule and cruelty?

This subject has come up in discussions with friends of mine who are Christians and (again I'm only sharing my thoughts and opinions here not seeking to "judge" anyone) I feel Churches should be preaching this kind of message as it seems that if becoming more Christ like is ones goal then one should always be seeking to change, to evolve, to grow...to be...quite literally...more Christ like.

Now I'm somebody who rarely gets these things right but surely the goal should be to put others before oneself. Or to love everybody as you love yourself. I think watching these kinds of shows goes absolutely against that. I think supporting a programme that (in part) is about humiliating people for other peoples pleasure is about as far removed from what Jesus would do as I can imagine.

Christianity aside this really is for anybody that seeks to love people. For anybody that thinks they are "a good person" and seeks to do "the right thing" whatever that is.

Again no judgement just thoughts and at the most a potentially arrogant feeling that I used to think these shows were OK but have had the scales from my eyes removed.

A Christian should see a person and instinctively consider what God thinks when he or she looks upon that person. How he or she feels about that person. Does the heart of God melt for that person or does it laugh or think "awww bless."

"If you don't say it's wrong then that says it's alright." (Solomon Burke - None Of Us Are Free)

Ricky Gervais' character Andy Millman in Extras said it better than I ever could and I'll end with those words. Incidentally the character is sat in the celebrity Big Brother house for context.

"And fuck you, the makers of this show as well. You can't wash your hands of this. You can't keep going, "Oh, it's exploitation, but it's what the public want." No, the Victorian freak show never went away. Now it's called "Big Brother" or "The X Factor," where in the preliminary rounds we wheel out the bewildered to be sniggered at by multimillionaires. And fuck you for watching this at home. Shame on you. And shame on me."

"Let he or she who has ears listen." (Some Biblical hero)

"Here endeth the lesson." (Elliot Ness - The Untouchables)

Why The LibDem/Tory Pact Is The Best Outcome

2010-05-11T19:40:00.004+01:00

Last Thursday the Tories got more MP's and a bigger share of the vote than any of the other parties. That said they didn't win but they came closest. If the three parties were running a Marathon the LibDems only made it 15 miles, Labour made it 20 and the Tories stopped at 22. NONE OF THEM WON based on the first past the post system we currently have.

Since however the Tories came closest Nick Clegg had no choice but to talk to them. He said they had the right to "try" to form a Government and it looks like they've offered enough nuggets to the LibDems to form a coalition.

Nobody wanted this because we all voted (on the whole) for one of three main parties. That leads me to think nobody will be happy but it's time to grow up and put aside partisan views.

Gordon (in my opinion) has been a great Prime Minister and his farewell speech moved me to tears. The problem is it appears the majority of the country was at least agreed that they didn't want him to continue as PM. He inherited a poisoned chalice really thanks in large part to Iraq.

If the LibDems had done a deal with Labour what would the outcome be? If Mervyn King is right and the next Government we have will then be out of power for a generation that means Labour and the LibDems would potentially be out of power for a generation.

At the next election we'd have Dave saying, look at the mess we're in. Look at Labour and the LibDems...it's time for a change. The result would be a massive Tory landslide.

Ok so I'm not able to put partisan views aside myself.

Don't think of this as a Tory Government "propped up" by the LibDems think of this as a watered down Tory Government.

If YOU lean more towards the Labour party this is best for them long term.

If YOU want a stable Government this is the closest you're going to get so this IS the best thing for the country right now.

That's it!

Working On A Dream (or "It's Not Religion, This Is A Spiritual Thing I'm Talking About!")

2009-12-30T22:31:00.012Z

Bruce Springsteen's 2009 album Working On A Dream came hot on the heels of it's angry Bush reactionary politically charged predecessor Magic (2007). Magic is Bruce's most political album to date. Poppy in feel yet dark in tone I think it's the natural follow up to 1984's Born In The USA. It was received favourably by many die hard Springsteen fans and the majority of the songs were played live during the Magic Tour.

Much of Working On A Dream was conceived around the same time and partially recorded during the Magic sessions too. It's the fastest follow up to an E Street Band album I can think of being released just 14 or 15 months after Magic. To coincide with the release Bruce and the band played the half-time Superbowl show. "Sell Out" many fans cried. How could our stand up oozing with integrity hero play at such a corporate event? Well, to slightly misquote the man "he had a record to sell". A friend of mine who wasn't too fond of Working On A Dream at first (I'm unsure if he's warmed to it yet) thought it may have been "rushed out" to coincide with the aforementioned half time "extravaganza" but I disagree. He played the Superbowl BECAUSE he had a new album out not the other way around.

On my very first listen my reaction was luke warm at best. Much of it went over my head and I wasn't "blown away". Though I was eager to listen again and it became clear to me that this record was "a grower". The first time I saw the cover my exact words were "Is this some kind of fucking joke?" but, as with my first listen, I didn't get it.

The tour started and it seemed that hardly any of the songs were being played live. Another friend of mine suggested that this was because Bruce knew it wasn't a very good album. By this point I was fully in love with Working On A Dream and after having bought two tickets to see Bruce and the band in Dublin I hoped he'd start adding more songs though quite the opposite became true. I think there were maybe four regulars at the start of the tour and by the end of the tour just the one.

The reason for this? I can only assume that Bruce knew that many of his fans simply didn't yet relate to or understand this record. I'm no expert on what people think or thought but discussions in a Springsteen Egroup I belong to seemed to confirm that assumption. It was those discussions that prompted me to write this.

Working On A Dream is easily my second favourite Bruce album after his second, 1973's The Wild, The Innocent & The E Street Shuffle. For me it shares a similar romance and mysticism. Perhaps that's why many fans don't like it. The majority of Springsteen fans seem to like the predictable straight forward Bruce perhaps best epitomised by 1975's Born To Run and 1978's Darkness On The Edge Of Town. The Wild, The Innocent & The E Street Shuffle and Working On A Dream are his most left field albums to date with the latter being the most mysterious by far.

Back to the cover which is bright, over the top and Andy Warhol-esque catching Bruce with a wry smile on his face. The opposite of the cynical look of Magic with it's bleached out dry colours. To me an 'A' side and a 'B' side. The albums are very connected and if it wasn't for the perceived failure of releasing Human Touch and Lucky Town on the same day perhaps these records might have been. Side A is (as one critic described it) "love in the time of Bush" though love had little to do with it. It could have been called Whatever Happened To The American Dream? Working On A Dream is the exact opposite of everything Magic is. Or perhaps the antidote. Dare I say wild yet grounded in reality and certainly not innocent.

It was the first post Danny Federici album (though he played on some of the songs) and for me at least it starts and ends with two love songs to Danny. The first (Outlaw Pete) sets these two Blood Brothers in an epic widescreen John Ford western. A story of Pete and bounty hunter Dan. That's how I experience it anyway. From the opening line "He was born a little baby on the Appalachian Trail" this song transports me to another place. It's all imagery and romance and I love it.

My Lucky Day is certainly the most obvious E Street song on the album and stays with the themes of love and romance. It's a straight forward rocker and assures the potentially confused listener that this IS an E Street album. Outlaw Pete and Working On A Dream meld seamlessly into each other too.

Working On A Dream is a song about two America's. The America that Obama is taking over left bruised and broken from eight years of neglect (again, back to the themes of the A side Magic) and the American dream being built in Iraq or Afghanistan. Or at least that's what the soldier singing the song has to tell himself. Clearly this is my own personal interpretation but this is what I hear.

Out here the nights are long the days are lonely
I think of you and I'm working on a dream

The cards I've drawn's a rough hand darlin'
I straighten my back and I'm working on a dream

I'm working on a dream
Though sometimes it feels so far away
I'm working on a dream
And how it will be mine someday

Rain pourin' down I swing my hammer
My hands are rough from working on a dream
I'm working on a dream

I'm working on a dream
Though trouble can feel like it's here to stay
I'm working on a dream
Our love will chase the trouble away

Sunrise come I climb the ladder
The new day breaks and I'm working on a dream
I'm working on a dream

The nights are long and the days are lonely but he's thinking of his girl back home...that's his dream...his dream of release and freedom but for now he's having to climb a ladder every day and what justifies this seemingly meaningless war? The American dream. His commander and chief sent him to do a job and he has to see it as noble and right. Again ultimately for me the song is full of desperate love to simply be with his girl and get back to what's real...their dream...their life together!

The romantic theme continues in Queen Of The Supermarket though perhaps this too is from the same soldier in Iraq thinking back to when he met his love. This has become one of my favourite Springsteen songs ever and I can't believe that so many people do not like it. When the protagonist explains "As I lift my groceries into my cart, I turn back for a moment and catch a smile, That blows this whole fucking place apart" I can't help but want to raise my arms in the air with pure joy. And I have done several times. I get this song, I mean I REALLY get this song. The end segment of the song makes it clear that this is somebody's fantasy. Whether it's a memory of what was or a hope or dream that's yet fulfilled the (what can only be described as) trippy and dream like music with the beeps as the groceries are passed over the bar code scanner is one of the best ends to a Bruce song that I can think of. Actually writing this now I'm not surprised that so many people just don't get it. Of course they would say it's not that they don't get it it's just not a very good song...the answer to that? Nah, actually, they just don't get it!

What Love Can Do clearly continues the theme of...Love! Hell it's in the title. I think this was the last song of the Magic sessions which became the first of Working On A Dream. The A & B side theory is obvious when taking this song into account.

"Here our memory lay corrupted and our city lay dry, Let me make this vow to you, Here where it's blood for blood and an eye for an eye, Let me show you what love can do, Let me show you what love can do."

To me this is the most political lyric on this album. A reaction to the post 9/11 revenge mentality that after eight years of Bush has left America "corrupted and dry" let me show you another way God might say!

Which leads perfectly into This Life.

"This life, this life and then the next, With you I have been blessed, what more can you expect, This life, this life and then the next."

It's more of a poem than a song (like so much of this album) and has to be felt and experienced rather than understood on a basic "what does this song mean" level. For me the vocal harmony's are just lovely and it's a song that blows away on a breeze. The love of a friend, the love of a family member, a lover, God...it's pretty much all in here to be felt and experienced if your brain is that way inclined.

Good Eye continues this vivid imagery of what life itself is really about. If the experiences of life don't cause us to change then we might as well be, (as Woody Allen said) a dead shark! We must evolve, learn, realise and be transformed. I'm not writing about religion here by the way, to quote Kevin Prosch, "It's not religion, this is a spiritual thing I'm talking about."

"I had all earthly riches, I had each and every one, But I had my good eye to the dark and my blind eye to the sun."

The author was blinded to the truth and beauty of life. Lyrically it's a similar theme to Aint Got You from 1987's Tunnel Of Love.

Tomorrow Never Knows continues the now apparent and very obvious theme of love and I think it's one of Bruce's most beautiful songs. The wispy, dreamy and romantic imagery continues.

Where the cold wind blows
Tomorrow never knows
Where your sweet smile goes
Tomorrow never knows
You and me, we been standing here my dear
Waiting for our time to come
Where the green grass grows
Tomorrow never knows

In the field your long hair flowed
Down by the Tildenberry tracks
There 'neath the water tower
I carried you on my back
Over the rusted spikes of that highway of steel
Where no more thunder sounds
Where the time goes
Tomorrow never knows

He who waits for the day's riches will be lost
In the whispering tide
Where the river flows
Tomorrow never knows

It's a song that sounds like a perfect Sunday afternoon with a lover but the lesson from Good Eye has been learned.

From "I had all earthly riches, I had each and every one, But I had my good eye to the dark and my blind eye to the sun" to "He who waits for the day's riches will be lost, In the whispering tide."

Listening to the album again this evening whilst writing this has made me realise even more how these songs are connected. How the "theme" of the album is so obvious and yet is a mystery that is to be unlocked and experienced rather than understood.

Bruce on the accompanying album DVD called Life Itself "a masterpiece" and who am I to disagree with the boss? Musically the backwards guitar solo is genius and lyrically the song pretty much sums everything up to this point.

Why do the things that we treasure most, slip away in time
Till to the music we grow deaf, to God's beauty blind
Why do the things that connect us slowly pull us apart?
Till we fall away in our own darkness, a stranger to our own hearts
And life itself, rushing over me
Life itself, the wind in black elms,
Life itself in your heart and in your eyes, I can't make it without you

So here's one for the road, here's one to your health and to
Life itself, rushing over me
Life itself, the wind in the black elms,
Life itself in your heart and in your eyes, I can't make it without you.

Without who? Our friends? See Outlaw Pete. The love of our lives? See My Lucky Day/Working On A Dream/Queen Of The Supermarket/Tomorrow Never Knows. God? See Good Eye/What Love Can Do/Life Itself. These songs are all connected it's becoming more clear to me than ever.

Kingdom Of Days & Surprise, Surprise are both out and out joyous love songs. Again, different kinds of love songs to whoever you wish them to be to but they are both full of nothing but joy and love.

The Last Carnival it has to be said is another love song though this one a sad lament to a lost Brother and dear friend. From the boyhood landscape fun of Outlaw Pete and Bounty Hunter Dan to the sad almost wailing mourning of one so close being taken too soon. This is a beautiful song that ties the album up for me and connects it to the first song and everything in between.

To me the albums closer The Wrestler is a conversation between the protagonist and God.

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free
If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one legged dog makin' his way down the street
If you've ever seen a one legged dog then you've seen me

(Then you've seen me) I come and stand at every door
(Then you've seen me) I always leave with less than I had before
(Then you've seen me) but I can make you smile when the blood it hits the floor

Tell me friend can you ask for anything more
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and weeds
If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one armed man punchin' at nothing but the breeze
If you've ever seen a one armed man then you've seen me

(Then you've seen me) I come and stand at every door
(Then you've seen me) I always leave with less than I had before
(Then you've seen me) but I can make you smile when the blood it hits the floor

Tell me friend can you ask for anything more
Tell me friend can you ask for anything more

These things that have comforted me I drive away (anything more)
This place that is my home I cannot stay (anything more)
My only faith is in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one legged man tryin' to dance his way free
If you've ever seen a one legged man then you've seen me

To my ears it's a broken person who's come to terms with who he or she is and where they are in the world talking to God and God is talking back. If God is truth (you'll be the judge of that but let me know if you find out) then he or she will always leave with less than they came with because the broken parts of us should be filled with the truth of grace. Paul in the Bible said he would "boast in his weaknesses" and the writer claims at the end that his or her only faith is in the broken bones that they display. The protagonist may not be happy about where they are and what's brought them there but they know for sure that they are still standing. I think it's a lovely end to a magnificent album.

So from the poetic imagery of Outlaw Pete to the out and out "She's The Oneness" of My Lucky Day to the soldiers dreams through Working On A Dream and Queen Of The Supermarket to the realisation that "Love" is the greatest of these in What Love Can Do and This Life to the repentance contained in Good Eye and Tomorrow Never Knows to the realisation that Life Itself is rushing over me and is all around me through the plain stated truth and joy of Kingdom Of Days and Surprise Surprise and then to the heart breaking farewell of a friend in The Last Carnival the one thing Working On A Dream is full of is love. Poetry, wild and sometimes innocent imagery, romance, truth, honesty and back to love again in The Wrestler.

And to think people have said this record has no discernible theme.

The Best Picture Oscar Goes To...Avatar!

2009-12-21T16:34:00.009Z

Let's get the negatives out of the way first. Why did Cameron choose Leona Lewis to almost ruin the end of his film with such a terrible My Heart Will Go On-esque ballad? I mean it was just embarrassing.

Right, that's really the only negative let's get back to the film. And it really is a great film. Masterpiece? I'm not sure the jury is out for me I'm waiting for the "Director's Special Edition" that's sure to hit the shelves in time for next Christmas after they release the "Not So Special" two disc version (people will buy it and think they are getting a good deal because it says two disc version) featuring a couple of featurettes and the music video for the aforementioned Leona Lewis video in May.

A friend of mine recently "tweeted" that he's yet to see a film that justified being in 3D. This just may be the one. It's Aliens meets Dances With Wolves with bells on. The story offers nothing original and pretty much from 15 minutes in you know exactly what's going to happen. That's not a bad thing though. I think this "time old" story of the "west" trying to kick the shit out of one indigenous people or another can always be told for a new generation and that's basically what it is. It could be the British Empire, it most definitely could be America in Vietnam, Iraq or even Afghanistan to say nothing of the native American Indians. Ok so they're only after "some kind of" priceless mineral and there's no excuse like Al Qaeda or the Communists but either way it's the Americans...or the imperialistic "greatest nation on the planet" mentality that's the enemy here. And to quote Springsteen..."that's alright with me."

One of the key scenes of destruction and mayhem was probably one of the most moving and devastating pieces of cinema I've ever experienced. By that point I was so lost in the "bloody good yarn" that the point was made beautifully and this is movie manipulation at it's very best.

There's really five main character's, our hero and heroine played adequately by Sam Worthington & Star Trek's Zoe Saldana, then it's the classic trilogy of scientist (Sigourney Weaver re-creating her role as Diane Fossey), the loyal to cause (be that right or wrong) soldier (played wonderfully by Stephen Lang) and my favourite of all of them the politician and money man played by Giovanni Ribisi. I'm making my assumptions about the aforementioned "Director's Special Edition" because I can only assume that the majority of Giovanni's performance is on the cutting room floor. Still what he does have to do is played with perfection.

Back to the title of the blog the reason this will be nominated for and should win the Best Picture Oscar (it may be a closely fought battle with Inglorious Basterds) is because this is what cinema's were made for. It's also (Up & Star Trek aside) the best cinematic experience I've had since seeing Slumdog last year.

So whether you think this will be your cup of tea or not please go and see it. Take as many people as you can including doddery but lovely Grandma and Grandad too. Alton Towers doesn't have a ride that comes close to this.

Appropriate Or Inappropriate Anger?

2009-12-20T00:09:00.016Z

As a person with serious anger issues that I'm trying to deal with reality TV gets a fair share of my outbursts. The X Factor most recently. Perhaps a chunk of that is anger at myself because I used to watch it.

Many of my friends who are Christians watch it, enjoy it, tweet about it and update their Facebook status' as they watch.

I think Ricky Gervais on Extras summed it up better than I ever could.

"The Victorian freak show never went away. Now it's called "Big Brother" or "The X Factor", where in the preliminary rounds we wheel out the bewildered to be sniggered at by multimillionaires."

So what is it about people being made to look stupid that is entertaining? I can't really remember. Sure those people chose to go for the audition and put themselves forward but does that really justify using them in that way? It's car crash TV at its very worst forward slash best depending on your point of view. For that reason I understand why it's hugely popular.

Maybe I'm just a little pompous and arrogant or a tad naive to expect more from people who are supposed to at least be trying to emulate Christ and his teachings?

Wasn't there a lesson about being judged by how we treat the least amongst us? I don't think laughing at them was what the writer had in mind.

Maybe the anger aimed at reality TV isn't the inappropriate kind maybe it's the righteous kind? How do you know the difference?

Maybe I'm just disillusioned with the Church who (on the whole) believe what they are told from the pulpit blindly and don't seem to use the brain God gave them to work out what's truth and what's deception. Accidental deception is still deception.

The Church seems to be full of blind guides who strain out (homosexual or Muslim or non Christians that have the audacity to behave like non Christians) knats but swallow X Factor and innerant shaped camels.

Pushing Or Pulling The Debate?

2009-09-29T04:41:00.007+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0_EIkzusW4

Jeremy Paxman may be paid to be at the Labour Party Conference but really if you're that bored maybe it's time to quit?

Gordon, you may want to fight back but looking piss bored and half asleep when Alistair Darling is giving his speech will lose you more votes than you possibly realise.

Is it just two expressions/ways of communicating with the British public that you have? Bored and (acting) "Blair-ish" as you seem to do more and more these days?

For God's sake man show yourself.

Show some emotion.

Go on TV and cry.

How are we supposed to rally behind you when you look bored with the job? Just hand over to Darling quick or buck your ideas up. He's the true "Major" anyway and like it or not it's the economic experts (Darling & Cable) that have explained the passage through the downturn clearly that people are likely to trust next year. If anyone.

That's why a light needs to be shone on George Osbourne's inexperienced "from the book" copy cat nonsense. I hope people don't hate Labour so much that they would fall for Tony Blair reincarnated in the excitable yet firm trustworthiness that appears to be David Cameron. Even if they do surely they wont go for Osbourne?

People are buying into Tony Blair Mark II & they don't even know it.

It's not a case of who has the best policy it's a case of who presents it in a nice enough package.

That said whatever the LibDems do will never be good enough because of the "infighting" and they will often be slated by the likes of Michael Crick who for some reason seems to think it a character trait as a (so called) impartial journalist to say this on the home page of his blog.

"I'm Michael Crick, and I'm Newsnight's political editor. My guiding rule is that in any story there's usually something the politicians would prefer the world not to know. My job is to find that out."

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/newsnight/michaelcrick/)

Well great Michael. I'm glad the entire approach of the Newsnight "name" is to assume a politician is lying to you and that the main aim of your strategy is to get them to admit the lie. To trick them out. To catch them out. To attempt to twist what they want to say into a catchy headline for the next day's water cooler shallows. That attitude impartially towards all politicians doesn't make it OK.

I heard it reported last week that six Lib Dem MP's were unhappy about the millionaire tax. I think there's about sixty. Oh yeh run with the infighting line because there's headline potential.

BBC really hang your head in shame.

Maybe soothe yourselves with a bottle of blue nun? Go on, you know you want to. I mean Jesus who writes Andrew Neil's script? It must be him I assume because if the BBC are paying for somebody to come up with that Blue Nun/Itchy & Scratchy shit...God help us all. I mean really.

I've realised in the last couple of weeks of watching far too much Fox news (at least we don't have a Glenn Beck) that clear differences though there are many similarities exist between Bill O'Reilly and Jeremy Paxman. With O'Reilly it's all about opinion with Paxman it's all about his annunciations and expressions but the message subliminal or not is passed to the audience.

Some of us crave real political coverage.

Some of us are so desperate for an exciting, fresh, accessible approach to political coverage that they're planning a strategy.

Some of us are sick of the genuinely cynical approach the mainstream media in this country has towards politicians and their "ilk" and whilst they may genuinely THINK that they are reflecting the feelings of the nation they are really driving the feelings of a nation.

Shame on you BBC get some new blood in please.

This could be any nobody that you've never even heard of but somehow mysteriously (or not) you read a blog.

This could be any nobody at all with a cracking idea he believes in passionately.

I'm here.

Some balls.

The Redemptive Power Of U2

2009-08-22T02:20:00.007+01:00

Everything here is clearly from my personal experience. Statements of fact which cannot be proved, such as, "I was healed at the U2 gig" is a fact from my perspective. With that in mind let's proceed.

I'm writing this the evening after a glorious day in Sheffield with...and without some of my best friends and family members but always with my patient, sweet, forgiving wife Chelsea.

I'm reliving the journey thanks to an easily downloadable mp3 of the gig broadcast live on the radio. Believe me it's sure to go around the world and be a classic U2 live recording as well as certainly a record of the best time I've ever had seeing U2 and possibly the second most significant day of my adult life. I'm making those huge sweeping statements again that I wont struggle to explain.

Though I will explain and upload the photo of God's eye in the sky very soon.

No really.

Ye of little faith.

I will write more about this experience as a whole as the walk is verified and significantly proven but for now let me throw myself out there in a very specific way.

It basically goes like this.

(Me)

I was lost between the midnight and the dawning
In a place of no consequence or company
3.33 when the numbers fell off the clock face
Speed dialling with no signal at all

(God)

Go, shout it out, rise up
Escape yourself, and gravity
Hear me, cease to speak that I may speak
Shush now
Force quit and move to trash

(Me)

I was right there at the top of the bottom
On the edge of the known universe where I wanted to be
I had driven to the scene of the accident
And I sat there waiting for me

(God)

Restart and reboot yourself
You’re free to go
Shout for joy if you get the chance
Password, you, enter here, right now

You know your name so punch it in
Hear me, cease to speak that I may speak
Shush now,
Then don’t move or say a thing.

--------------------

"What you've got, they can't steal it,
No they can't even feel it."

(from Walk On)

Mistakes?

2009-08-12T23:05:00.002+01:00

However you got here you probably brought it all on yourself.

Sure some bad lampposts along the path didn't help but you concentrated to much on the negative lies that those routes allowed you missed many good moments.

Your mind got broken somewhere along the way.

No Visiting

2009-08-09T01:40:00.004+01:00

How does the person with the rejection issues affect you?

Do you really want to be their friend or are you happy with a safe distance acquaintanceship?

How can we really see things from somebody else's perspective when they wont even open the door to us?

Is there somebody that you know that's so terrified of loss they'll actively push you away when all they really want is to be intimate.

The contradictions of a tangled soul are hard to live with, be friends with and even understand.

Pretentious self obsessed wanker or thoughtful and fearful "island" waving the visiting boats away?

"The person that let's little light in has a dark soul yet the soul that is open to everything has an expansive runway." (Not an old Chinese proverb)

The secretive person is hiding from what?

Is this sufficiently "elusive" that it's not obvious I'm talking about me?

Trent Vineyard Predictability Factor

2009-08-02T19:45:00.003+01:00

As a matter of good old paranoia or genuine politeness (you decide) I'd like to say if anybody should read this who's involved in any way in the things I'm thinking about here please take no offence. That's the preamble. I'm writing this from the back of the church I attend. Church is supposed to mean the people right? This is the first time I've actually heard "the church" singing. Usually on a Sunday evening the volume is as loud as a gig might be & the music "relevant and vibrant" some would say while others might lean to the word predictable. Sadly (for me anyway) I find myself in the latter category. People would say and have said often that there are plenty of churches in Nottingham so you could always try another. True in one sense but potentially very arrogant and unteachable also. Sure you can't run a church jumping from one idea to another but to simply close down any suggestion with a "the majority seem to like it this way" just might be wrong. To finish I'm either a negative cynical grump, a frustrated member of a church that is moving from originallity to a predictable & potentially stale environment or neither. Or both? Being our best and doing our best for God is an admirable starting place but when that leads to polished performed worship that's good enough to package and sell ... well ... maybe I'm just in the wrong Church.

The Floor

2009-07-31T05:04:00.000+01:00

Is there any way I could bang my head against the door enough that you would understand me?

That I would understand my motives?

Is there any chance I could get what's in my head out and communicate it in an authentic and understandable way?

Why are words and communication the enemy of connection and warmth sometimes?

Understanding is lost in the rainbows of my mind.

Fear truly sets itself up as the enemy of any possible connection and rejection bats the ball of fear a home run.

Before I'm Done...

2009-07-24T00:02:00.000+01:00

"I want to rid my heart of envy
And cleanse my soul of rage
Before I'm through."

Those words are taken from Paul Simon's song 'Wartime Prayers' taken from his massively underrated (and best album...honestly, even better than 'Graceland') 'Surprise'.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surprise_(Paul_Simon_album)

I don't really know what a mantra means but I think I'm taking this on as mine.

I was with a group of friends tonight having an (at times) very heated debate. Even though some of them may read this this isn't a coded rejectionist (please like me plea) as I'm getting beyond that. Well, in my heart at least if not in my head.

I sometimes feel like a schizophrenic in that half of the time I feel like Satan and half the time Jesus. No really...the thin line I walk in my private life between self loathing and untapped beauty and potential is a constant confusion.

I know this sounds a bit "woe to me the tortured genius" but hey, it is my blog after all.

I want to rid my heart of envy and cleanse my soul of rage before I'm through.

Don't you?

Honestly?

I like to imagine a perfect utopian world where the flowers never die and nothing bad ever happens and that clearly isn't a world where I live or you but what if we all lived as though we did?

What if we all loved our fellow stranger and enemy with so much genuine care and passion that we gave ourselves up for our fellow man?

This isn't a Christian preaching a pious message. I'm scarily coming to the conclusion that my label must be "post-Christian" but that's for another blog that potentially nobody will read.

But honestly.

What if we all strive to rid our hearts of envy and cleanse our souls of rage before we're through?

How bad could that be?

I'm up for starting a new Church who's coming?

Paolo Nutini's 'Sunny Side Up'.

2009-06-30T01:59:00.000+01:00

Listen I have to say if anybody has ever taken anything I've ever said with the tiniest pinch of enjoyment (David Brent Syndrome?) then please buy or download Paolo Nutini's second album 'Sunny Side Up'. He's knocking Ray Lamontagne off his "genre" top spot.

This album deserves to win every single award out there.

This guy needs to be filling stadiums soon.

Masterpiece is actually too small a word for this album.

Q Magazine's four star review (out of five) was pitiful.

Please he's great but I'm not sure if he's "Q" enough for Q.

Daring, different, original and new.

On a level par with Van Morrison, Paul Simon & Elvis.

There you go.

It can only disappoint after that can't it?

Will you let me know?

Listen to it when you're ready to feel an album as well as listening to it.

Don't put it on as background music.

Soak it up.

With track one you might wonder what I was going on about but by the end of track two I'm convinced you'll be with me.

Feel track two (how trite) and you're life will never be the same again.

Then with 'Candy' have your heart broken within a minute and experience the most beautiful song of it's kind ever written.

I mean ever.

Timeless.

My God.

Bob Dylan & Stevie Wonder you're heir is here.

Big words.

so will you let me know?

For You

2009-06-17T03:03:00.001+01:00

Foreign philosophy and rhymes that make us tall are simply words that fall like the grains of sand from an unclenched palm...

Graffiti Soul Listening Party Of One

2009-05-23T01:33:00.000+01:00

OK here goes. First listen. Very early days in the life of an album. I'm gonna write my thoughts down as I listen to each track. Hey you don't have to read it if I appear self important. If you really want a laugh read this as you listen to the album. I just did and I'm so brilliant and everything.

Paranoia.

Let's ROCK!!!

Moscow Underground: Ten seconds in? Nobody does atmospheres like Simple Minds. Not even U2. Very haunting. Very different. Nothing like B&W050505 but then the new Minds album never sounds like it's predecessor so why am I surprised. This really does capture pre 1982 Minds like nothing else post 1982 I think. Surely the rest of the album can't be this good? One listen half way through the first track I'm not even kidding you. I'm already ready to accept the "best album since Street Fighting Years" theory. Jim's vocals are so mysterious and evocative of a wide open desolate landscape. This song alone deserves to be huge. The last section of the song is as pleasing as the rest. Better. Charlie's riff? Oh my!

Rockets: Very different. Based on one listen it feels inferior to Moscow Underground. Nice keyboards. Still different. Very "souly" in the verses. By the time the chorus build up section starts my earlier comments can depart in shame. It's great but it feels restrained. I want it to fly away like the first track. Still I'm tapping my feet along. Certainly classic Minds circa 1985 but not if that even makes sense. The "home sweet home" section changes it all again. Does that mean it's progressive? I guess. Simple Minds aren't a prog rock band obviously but I'm surprised by the twists and turns this song is taking me on. A musical journey to quote Larry in Rattle & Hum.

Stars Will Lead The Way: Sounds like the tenth track from Good News From The Next World. I wonder if the intention is there to take it many eras of Simple Minds with this album or if that just happens because it is Simple Minds? And did that even make sense? Sadly my wife is in bed so I can't listen to this as loud as I need to.

Can't I? I'm cheating now I have my headphones plugged in I'm listening to the first three tracks again. Moscow Underground is 100% one of the best recorded Simple Minds songs ever. For sure. Rockets and Stars are great but don't quite hold there own. This said I've only even heard three songs so far so I'm talking about things I don't know about because the context of the following tracks I haven't heard yet is clearly crucial to the first three songs on the album. Now I'm half way through Rockets now and changing my mind again.

Isn't music the best?

This read may not be but I'm writing it for myself really so will clearly be very indulgent.

Light Travels: Oh right. This is surprising. Back to the realm of Moscow Underground it seems. Alright I'm one minute in now and it's kicking the beauty out of the clouds. This song needs many, many listens. It feels as though it can't be this good. But it is. I mean this is beautiful.

Kiss & Fly: Hello Charlie. I've kind of missed you for a couple of songs even though you've probably been doing the keyboard shit. That's shit in a good way by the way. Hello funky Simple Minds. This is like White Hot Day or C Moon. Better. I mean this is incredible. Did I know I'd be this blown away by the new Simple Minds album? Honestly? Not at all. This makes B&W050505 sound lacklustre. And it certainly isn't. But this really is the next level. The might as well have Mick back because they've got nothing to prove anymore. OK I'm four tracks in and I way prefer two out of four of those tracks but prefer in a way like Kiss & Fly & Moscow are in my top five Simple Minds songs ever. I don't even need a second listen to confirm that early ecstatic comment. Please God let the rest of the album be this good.

I honestly don't see how it can be.

This is all good yes?

Can I get an amen?

Kiss and fly dudes! Kiss & Fly! Re-write the Simple Minds history book they've done what J.J. Abrams has done with Star Trek.

Graffiti Soul: Hmm. Not sure yet. Nice Metallica bass. Back to the poppy nature of Stars & Rockets. I mean that in a good and a bad way. No scrap that bit. The build up to the chorus is a sweet sweet journey again. How do they create these musical landscapes? I mean they haven't done it on every song on every album but this seems to be something very different. Of course it will be compared to past masters and understandably so but as I've been telling everybody about Trek "forget what you think you know about it just watch this" I'll be saying the same about this album. I'll be begging people to listen to it and give it a chance. Graffiti Soul needs more listens. The song. The album too but you know what I'm talking about. "You bring me lightning" Charlie when you let go on the guitar. Maybe that's reason enough to try and get Mick back. Nothing will ever come as close to this album for a long time. That's what I think now anyway. It's too good to be beaten in two years. I just don't know where this album has come from.

Blood Type O: Speaking of Mick is that who Blood Type O is about? "It's all so long ago". "You do it so well". "But you do it so well". "You take the smile and you make it frown". Blimey I wonder if I'm on to something or is it about an ex Mrs or something? Charlie rules for the last minute and a half on this song. Imagine it live? Tell you what they'd better be playing every song from this album live. I remember on the Good News From The Next World tour getting three new songs. I was so please that on the Black & White 050505 tour they played so many songs from that album. They will again. They must. How could they not? The Skype ringing tone at the end scared me. I have that ring tone on my work phone. I was like, hello?

This Is It: It actually is. Schizzling my nizzle an peng yeh bledz? Mel & Eddie weave so well together. It just might be the Once Upon Song that would've rightly changed everything and been the song we'd have listened to live at every gig since. An alternate and far superior Sanctify if you well. No really. Far superior. It's good to hear Jim's cheery uplifting voice throwing in those spoken "this is it" lines. That makes the song. Then Mel takes it home. How can he still be that good and hit that hard? The guys a legend. "A veritable national treasure" as Parky should say. Melvin George is my Guru in all things "skin".

Oh that really was it. Abrupt. Precise. Clear. Consistent.

Time for more.

OK it's short but so what. It works. It flows. It's an album. It's beautiful. It's surprising. It's uplifting. It's foot tapping fried chicken wings with BBQ dip. It's Simple Minds kids and they haven't been anywhere but they're more back than they ever have been before.

Thank f*** I got tickets to the NEC despite not being able to afford them. Now I want to see more than one show. Go on boys add a show at Nottingham Arena...please...for me?

Now I'm off to listen to the album again. It's all downhill from here as it seeps into my being and shapes me the way a good album should.

There's nothing quite like music.

There's no band quite like Simple Minds.

Revolution pt 1

2009-05-22T00:48:00.001+01:00

How my feelings have changed about the MP's expenses "scandal".

A week ago I was screaming at the TV, "just leave them alone". Most of them have done nothing wrong and most of you doing the moaning probably turn a blind eye to friends that "fiddle the system". I've worked for the Inland Revenue and believe me, the office I was part of for two years was one huge blind eye. Petrol costs for one was a way "the system works for us" and nobody, including myself, thought there was anything wrong with that. The problem was in the system that was probably set up in part by powerful socialist workers unions demanding better pay and rights for it's poor lowly working staff. So is this the kind of "leverage" that's ok?

Why so different for the MP's? Where there was blatant fraud of course people should be prosecuted and removed from their jobs but where people "milked" the system the system is at fault. Who set it up? MP's probably. But wouldn't you?

What's the difference between a chubby rosy faced union man promising a Labour MP voter support if they can just have 48p per mile? What's the difference between that and an MP deciding that the expenses system might just have a few small loopholes?

Why do we expect our MP's to be saints yet accept what's put in our hands so freely. Have you ever done the "receipt" thing to claim more on your expenses than you should? Have you ever been over changed at a supermarket and not given back the extra? Have you ever seen somebody on the road and not given them money from your pocket because you really do need the taxi, the kebab and the four pints? Have you ever looked down on somebody with scorn because they support a different football team or live in a different area?

Have YOU ever?

You are an MP.

We all are.

Ask not what your expenses can do for you but what you can do for your expenses.

Star Trek

2009-05-11T16:20:00.000+01:00

If I only I could express my sheer joy at experiencing J.J. Abrams re-envisioning of Star Trek.

The second time was almost better.

Two of the best hours of my life recently. Four now. Of all the pretty perfect performances Karl Urban as Leonard 'Bones' McCoy was my favourite. Everybody is talking about Zachary Quinto's Spock but for me Urban captured the essence of everything I loved about DeForest Kelley. The permanently pissed off snarl. The sarcastic almost joyless sense of his character. And the accent? 100%.

Quinto brings a depth and a darkness to Spock never before seen. Sure there's a sense of Sylar about the whole thing but there would be. The new Mr Spock is pretty capable in my eyes of going places Gene Roddenberry wouldn't have dreamed.

Chris Pine as Kirk is fine. And that's not an insult. Kirk was always the straight man between the polar opposites of Bones & Spock but he hints at so much future potential. Many people have said he doesn't really try to immatate Shatner but the very last scene of the film (which I wont ruin) there's certainly more of the Shatner about him than at any time in the film. If you haven't seen it yet and are a Star Trek fan play close attention to his physical performance in the last thirty seconds of the movie.

However. If you are not a Star Trek fan and associate it with pointy ears, cheesy dialogue and mini skirts that were just a little to short for the bridge of a starship think again. If you think it's just for comic book geeks and the kinds of people that get overly excited about The Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars...think again.

J.J. Abrams has walked the perfect balance between pleasing the old time fans but also re-imagining a universe that nobody, probably even Paramount though conceivable three years ago. He's made a hugely enjoyable story with all the elements in place. Sorrow. Joy. Fear. Humour. Excitement. Even pathos. It's a finely tuned masterpiece in it's genre.

After the terrible last "Next Generation" film 'Nemesis' and the wildly unpopular final TV show 'Enterprise' Star Trek had pretty much had it's obituary read. In walks the creator of Alias, Lost & director of Mission Impossible III and shows that the former Tom Cruise squeal WAS a J.J. Abrams film. So is this. Now his vision is clear.

You've probably got the idea that I liked it. Really? Never. My wife, Chelsea who very definitely was NOT looking forward to seeing it was very impressed. After me seeing it once with one of my best friends my hype was unprecedented. As the movie started I smiled at her and told her that all of my excitement was justified and that she would love it.

She did.

I defy anybody sitting in a darkened cinema not to enjoy this two hour ride.

I think it's what cinemas were made for.

I can't wait to see it again.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

2009-04-27T23:46:00.000+01:00

Wouldn't it be nice if the bullshit negativity that the media seems to pump down our throats was just one perspective on a very healthy bubble of life?

Wouldn't it be nice if the fact that the BBC tells us all how negative things are in the world didn't become a self fulfilling prophesy and make us all THINK that bad news is the only news.

Wouldn't it have been nice if the BBC news at ten tonight didn't skip over the fact that Labour are bringing in some kind of legislation that will make it possible for women who are paid less than men for the same job to know about it.

It wouldn't be nice for people to hear a positive story about what our elected Government are doing on our behalf though would it? We need to hear reams of non factual bullshit about what MIGHT happen if some Mexicans bring a possible virus here to wipe us all out like in them movies and 1918.

It wouldn't be nice for the general population to think something good and positive has happened in the world today when we're all allegedly getting fucked over by big rich wankers on Wall Street would it?

It wouldn't be nice for us all not to be so afraid would it? Society would crumble if we could reach a positive plateau of honesty and love. We wouldn't be such consuming whores just out to relieve the anguish that the world brings us on a daily fucking basis.

Rant over.

Sign up now for the new revolution!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why?

2009-03-21T23:06:00.000Z

I'm thinking that to blog one has to be up his or her own arse or be very intelligent. I mean, if you're reading this now, I'm wondering why? You must be a friend or a colleague of mine. If not what are you doing? Do I have something interesting, original and unique to say? Should I try and shock? Gain sympathy? Enlighten you? Boy if only I could enlightenen anybody.

I seek the truth yet I'm happy to live with lies. I seek freedom yet I'm bound up in these chains. Spiritual chains? Godly chains? Maybe. Certainly not chains of freedom as Kevin Prosch once wrote. Maybe by blogging I'm actually having a conversation with myself. I know for sure that I will read this...at least once anyway.

So as I try to do with life I'm going to do with this blog. I'll say it doesn't bother me if anybody reads it or not but I know secretly I want everybody to read it. I want people to love me but I don't want them to tell me this. Or do I? I said I secretly want everybody to read this yet I drag the secret out into the light and I reveal it for what it is. A lie. More lies and more deception.

I'm on the right path but there's many side roads along the way as I meander my way through this strange and confusing experience called life.

And that's that for now.

I'll Always Love You New York

2009-02-19T10:26:00.000Z

Because of the time difference we flew from London at 8.30am and landed at JFK at 10.30am. This set the holiday off in a surreal dream like fashion. We'd had a really, really long night yet here we were bright (not so bright actually) and early in New York. After checking in to the hotel we went to an area of Brooklyn called DUMBO (Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass). I'd always dreamed of visiting New York since I was maybe twelve years old. Woody Allen's Manhattan, Tootsie & Saturday Night Fever were three big reasons why. I fell in love with the city through celluloid and wanted to try & capture some of that fantasy rather than just heading straight into Manhattan. I can't even explain how I felt when I first saw that view of the Brooklyn Bridge. Let alone when we found the park where Saturday Night Fever was filmed. This was the scene where John Travolta is helping the woman he thinks he loves to move into Manhattan. They have an argument and he takes her to this spot where he tells her all about the building of the Brooklyn Bridge. To take in the view, to see the sun start to set literally over the Manhattan skyline was just wonderful.

Day two gave us another dream like view of Manhattan, this time as we took a boat trip to Liberty & Ellis Island. Both the view of Lady Liberty (as she will now forever be called in our house) & the Manhattan skyline as we moved away from it were worth the price of the tour alone. It was really important to me to see the city from every possible angle and not just always be in the midst it. Later that day whilst reading a memorial on the wall near the World Trade Centre site a guy gave us a photo copy of the area with the words "Don't say two...it's just not true." He goes to the site every day to tell people that there were more than just two WTC buildings damaged on September 11^th 2001. We talked with him for maybe fifteen minutes. He was taking his son to school when the attacks happened and for whatever reason felt the need to tell people how big the damage was. He hinted at why it was done and whilst I have a few theories of my own I certainly didn't want to share them with him, the last thing I wanted to do was rattle off at the mouth with my political opinions. I was expecting the area to be quite morbid but because it's so familiar from tv & films it wasn't that at all. It's now a building site & feels like such. I guess I don't know much about the spirit of New York but it seemed to me that New York has almost bounced back & is just getting on with life. Re-building & hopefully healing. Our walk took us through Chinatown, Little Italy & eventually we made it to Times Square before bed. The first time I laid my eyes on that strange & unique place I'll never forget. In one sense one huge capitalistic whore house of advertisements, billboards and the like yet down below all that on the streets the hot dog & pretzel vendors, theatres & general hustle bustle make it a place I felt very much connected to. I know that sounds pretentious and I can't really explain it but I just loved it. Maybe, again, it was because of movies like Vanilla Sky. I never really "got" the scene where Tom Cruise is running through Times Square when it was totally empty but after being in it? I really do now.

Day three started at Grand Central Station. I think one thing that constantly surprised me was the way New Yorkers just went about life. I mean, of course they would, but I was so blown away by just about everything I almost expected everyone to have their head in the clouds as I did. I was reminded of the scene in another great New York movie The Fisher King where Robin Williams follows his secret love through the main concourse as commuters dance around them. Of course sadly this didn't happen to us but it might as well have done. We walked down to the UN & I realised how much I loved crossing the roads. Nearly every block I stopped to take a photo from the centre of the road. Back in Times Square we managed to buy half price tickets for Mel Brooks' new musical Young Frankenstein. Before our holiday I'd really hoped we'd be able to see it but knew we couldn't afford it so again, the dream word appears. I was surprised by how English the Theatre was. I don't know what I expected but there was nothing really "New York" about it. Quaint is the word that springs to mind. We could have been in Nottingham. The show itself was pretty fabulous in every way. It can't really live up to The Producers but then it doesn't try.

Day four began with us managing to get tickets to see an episode of Letterman being filmed. The tickets were allocated on a lottery type system but as we were queuing I explained that I'd emailed the show months before our trip and was told they couldn't guarantee us tickets as we lived outside the US. I gave her a bit of a story about how we were on our honeymoon (it was like a second honeymoon but I don't feel bad about leaving that bit out) & she drew a smiley face on our form as we waited to hand it in. I don't know if that was a "let these people definitely get tickets" or just a random smiley face but either way we were in. In the meantime we went up the Rockefeller building. The day was again stunning and whilst I'm not a fan of heights to see Central Park and the Empire State Building & downtown was just incredible. Before we left we just sat looking downtown and soaking up the experience. I remember thinking it may be a while till we see this view again (we WILL see it again) so I just wanted to get as much of it in my memory bank as I could. The Letterman experience again was very surreal. The thing that impressed me was how smooth & fluid the filming was. I guess they've been doing it for more than twenty five years so it would be but to see that well oiled machine floating in & out of ad breaks was a real experience. People were just all over the stage seconds before they came out of the break & during each break Dave took his jacket off. I was almost getting stressed thinking, quick, the guy's counting down to it being back & you all aren't ready. Whilst it's pre-recorded and not live it's filmed as though it is & I don't think really edited. Dave came on to talk to the audience a bit before hand and whilst the show intro music was playing & voice man Alan Coulter doing his thing he was still onstage. Then he was kind of off & on again within a few seconds. This beautiful well oiled machine really is something to be seen. After this we took the New Jersey transit system over the water to Hoboken to see the Manhattan skyline from that side. Just a lovely town with a totally different feel to Manhattan & Brooklyn. As soon as we came out of the train station this hit us. It's impossible to explain this in words but the character of the town was distinctly New Jersey. I'd love to live there. The view was stunning. I could almost see Christopher Reeve as Superman flying over the river towards the city.

Day five started with a train journey "somewhere in the swamps of Jersey" to Asbury Park. Me on some kind of Bruce Springsteen pilgrimage but Chelsea was up for it too. It took almost two hours to get there with a change but the view out of the window was like an episode of The Sopranos. It's hard now even a few weeks later to separate my experience of Asbury Park to my pre-conceptions from before. I was surprised I think by how big it was but also by how lovely. It was indeed very empty & quiet & the song My City Of Ruins made perfect sense but for some reason I expected it to be a bit like Skegness. Now only people reading this who've experienced Skegness will know what I mean & I wont elaborate but Skegness Asbury Park is not. Many of the houses and buildings were boarded up yet there were many very expensive looking homes that were just idyllic & I guess, posh is the right word. The car park in front of the casino was so empty the seagulls were all over it. Most of the roads had hardly any cars on. A lot of the time I was able to walk up the middle of the road and not worry about being hit or even seeing a car. The casino itself is just a shell now. I guess the days of the boys from the casino dancing with their shirts open like Latin lovers along the shore are long since gone. The beach is beautiful and the boardwalk? Ahh the boardwalk. I guess really it was just a boardwalk but for me, this was the reason for our visit. My favourite album of all time is Bruce's second, The Wild, The Innocent & The E Street Shuffle. Danny Federici's accordion playing yet also for me the sound of the whole album has Asbury Park running through its veins. A lot of building work was going on and it seems they're trying to restore Asbury to perhaps its glory days. Ok so I couldn't resist that one. We couldn't find Madame Maries but as we headed away from the boardwalk down to the Stone Pony club the line "for me this boardwalk life's through, I think you ought to quit this scene too" was almost playing in my head. That album for me will never be the same again & I'm so glad we could make the trip. I can't over estimate how deserted the town was yet we saw a couple outside The Stone Pony and so managed to get a photo of me and Chelsea outside. They were re creating a photo they'd taken twenty years ago. Maybe in twenty years Chelsea and I will be able to do the same. Or at least to spend more than a couple of hours in this great town. I do hope the club is still there then & Asbury re-vitalised. On returning to Manhattan we headed for Bloomingdales (much nicer than Macys which was so un-inspiring it didn't get a mention) and then to the Queensboro Bridge on 59^th Street to take the Roosevelt Island Tram. Our guide book said this was one of the best kept secrets in Manhattan & "I believe it" as a rather enthusiastic pastor used to shout out in a Church I once attended. I think this was my favourite view of Manhattan all things considered. We went to Roosevelt Island, then back, then back again, then back again. We spoke with a couple of people on the tram & they said alot of people take this commuter tram everyday yet they probably pay less attention the city than we were doing. What a shame. Like Hoboken, & DUMBO, I'd love to live on Roosevelt Island. We then headed to Bleeker Street & whilst we couldn't find Bleecker Street Records we found a diner called Cozy's for dinner. Ok so you know those places in England that try & be like a New York diner? Frankie & Bennies etc? They aren't really so authentic. Or an idea you have about a perfect & typical New York diner? Cozy's was all of that wrapped up in the best milk shake and best burger we ever tasted. No exaggeration. We didn't want to eat in chain restaurants & the like and with the exception of an emergency coffee one day in a Times Square Mcdonalds we pretty much managed it. This diner was exactly where Chelsea wanted to eat and to find it seemed perfect. I hope my sheer joy is coming through in this rather long review. I mean we were so stoked to be there that even a diner was like a gift from Heaven.

We wanted to start our last full day early and since we hadn't had a proper American breakfast we headed early to a diner just up the road from Cozy's. Now it has to be said, since I'm clearly a New York lover through and through, that I prefer a full English breakfast over the weird combination of potato & onion mash that came along with my eggs. That said in England if they're fried they're just fried. America seems to have so many more options. My favourite being that when you get a coffee there's maybe five or six types of milk. And, and for me this is a BIG and, sweeteners. What's with England and the lack of sweeteners? As a diabetic who should be on a diet the provision of sweeteners with coffee shouldn't feel like a luxury. I wasn't sure if I was imaging this so when back in England I asked if I could get some with my coffee a bemused boy stared back at me as if I'd just asked for a line of coke with the words, "We only av sugar". Anyway back to our day. On our way to Central Park we accidently stumbled across Carnegie Hall (if you don't own it please buy or download Bill Withers Live At Carnegie Hall in 1972) & to my ecstasy we found The Russian Tea Rooms. Finally a Tootsie reference I could touch. When Dustin Hoffman is first dressed as Dorothy Michaels he stops his manager (Sidney Pollack) outside TRTR & asks him for directions to The Russian Tea Room. He then follows him in and reveals his true identity. Photos of me outside The Russian Tea Rooms will possibly be met with the question of, "Why"? Well now you'll know. A man with a bike & carriage pulled us around Central Park & we saw all the spots. I think The Mall as it's called (the famous walkway that features in When Harry Met Sally, Ghost Down, Vanilla Sky & many more films) is the only place that actually looks better on celluloid. Also probably in the autumn when the leaves are falling down. Our nice bike man stopped by a statue of Shakespeare and explained to us that he had written two famous plays. I had no idea that few. We saw the big water statue that features in The Producers & even the corner John Lennon was shot. Something I didn't really want to see. A spot of lunch in a Park (which strangely reminded me more of Ground Zero than Ground Zero itself because it was about the same size area and we were sat right in the centre of it) then through to Washington Park. Worth a visit just for the squirrels who eat out of your hand. Bloody hell even the vermin in New York are lovely and fluffy and sweet. I LOVE THIS TOWN!!! This we followed with a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge & a trip back to the Roosevelt Island tram to do that journey in the dark. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge was another very surreal & dream like experience. After nearly a week of being on our feet the adrenalin & beauty of our surroundings kept us going. Another thing Chelsea wanted to have in Manhattan at some point was a cocktail. Whilst heading to the 59^th street bridge (I was Feelin' Groovy) we found another perfect eating point. A really lovely & very typically authentic Irish bar. I had vinegar (not to drink though) & Chelse got her cocktail. A perfect almost end to a perfect holiday.

The last day until we flew was pretty much a meandering affair. Back to DUMBO and a nice accidental walk around Brooklyn which resulted in another of those perfect eating moments. A shared pizza in a great place where the dough was tossed around like it had committed a crime. We headed back for a final look around Times Square where we were educated on the former sleaziness of the place by a cop. I say the former sleaziness apparently they just pushed it all about six blocks to the west. Back to pick up our bags and we were out of there. We were both pretty upset and gutted to be leaving so I just tried my best to be positive and not really think about that fact. We got off the Subway ready to get onto the airport tram and were greeted with a final view of the Manhattan skyline from a few miles away across Brooklyn. This plus a beautiful sunset pretty much brought both of us to tears. Many photos of that final view were taken & the sun set on our holiday.

It wouldn't have been anything without my wonderful wife Chelsea by my side. We do things together and to share New York together was just amazing. Since being home (another possible pretentious bit coming up) I miss it more than I miss anything. I feel almost connected to it and when I see New York on TV shows and in movies it feels like it's my own. We wont be able to afford to go back again for some time but all I really want to do IS to go back. Like when I swam far out in the sea on our holiday and honeymoon in Paignton & Allcudia I wont be the same again till I swim there again or am back in New York.

"I always pause if I can on fifth avenue, look uptown with my head in the stars, somewhere the buildings give way to sunlight, give way to east and west central park..." (Ryan Adams)